A few teams got completely eliminated this week from playoff contention and they deserve to be recognized for their futility. Congratulations go out to The Foreigner, Bucking Broncos, Hey Reb, and Shimrp Shack II. All of you are officially out of the running and have zero chance of making the playoffs. You may still play a role as a spoiler but that is all. What's pathetic and sad about this is the fact that Gregg with a 4-8 record still has a chance to make the playoffs. That's just not right. A few changes will be made next year to ensure that crap like this doesn't happen again.
Because I'm so full of myself and love me some me, I'll start off by gloating about how wonderful my team is and their massive destruction of Keler's crappy team. 125 points is no joke and having it come against Keler only makes it better. Not sure if you guys saw this clip, but if you replace the word Utah for Keler, that's about how I feel. If the season ended today I'd be the wildcard team and a serious contender to kick some trash throughout the playoffs. I would like to also point out what a genius I am by picking up Mr. Forsett with the Seahawks who must've known he was on my fantasy team because he went off for 25 points. Thanks Justin! I appreciate the big day. As for Keler, we appreciated having you in the league. We kind of miss not having you in Las Vegas anymore and wish you the best of luck in UT.
Barely Legal is barely alive after the wallopping defeat he suffered at the hands of Mr. Kung-Fu 4-8 Ninja himself. The Japanese Turd saw a small chance at making the playoffs so he decided to put in a real lineup. Way to finally pay attention to your team and make some educated moves. It's too bad it was temporary and next week you'll return to loserville. I say that because picking up Marshawn Lynch is more of a deathtrap then anything. There wasn't a single move that could've helped Barely Legal win this past week, unless of course you take a look at every single move Alan made over the course of the year to realize that there were plenty of opportunities for him not to suck as long and hard as he did. Alan has enjoyed both ends of the spectrum (which isn't surprising). He started off the year 4-0, only to lose 7 of the next 8 games. Not a winning recipe.
Next we come to the dreadful attack of Psycho / Señor Sarcasm who strikes yet again. Señor makes the wrong QB decision, again, yet continues to pile on the points. I don't think there has a been a week all year where there wasn't a QB on Sarcasm's bench that didn't score more than his starter (or more than Alan's mom). Zylka finally put Erica's team out of their misery. Erica's dreadful team is on par with the Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns, Oakland Raiders, St. Louis Rams and Kansas City Chiefs. Your team is like a trainwreck. Every team in the league couldn't wait to face your pathetic team. Every team you beat has a losing record and you only put up 100 points once. I know the blame isn't Erica's but her sports fanatic husband who is obviously dealing with other issues because it's quite obvious that fantasy football is not a priority.
The caveman's wife did some butt kicking over the weekend. Nice time to put up 109 points. You didn't pay attention and still wracked up 109. Just imagine what you could've done had you not paid attention all year long. (Instead you have most recently been paying attention to Muse(seriously, $500 to see those guys?), some stupid British band that you haven't decided you liked until 3 weeks ago and now you are willing to fork over your life's savings to see them. That's not random is it? Afterall, music is your life. Music and cavemen, along with clockmaking and devil worshiping.) It's not surprising however that you'd over analyze every possible decision and ultimately make the wrong move. What is surprising is that Joyce's team didn't pounce you. She had been on a nice winning streak that was suddenly slapped into hysteria. Joyce's key weakness has never been more obvious. Girl, you need yourself a quarterback. Almost anybody else is better than who you got.
This weeks sign that good works are not dead is brought to us by Leo. After realizing that with a few wins and a little bit of luck Leo could make the playoffs, he promptly puts up the second lowest point total of the year so that Doron can make a playoff run instead. And you said that Leo was a bum! Had he played basically anybody than who he did, he would've won. Instead the mamba lucks after starting an injured QB and then takes a stab at voodoo which worked out well too as Leo's QB promptly had his foot fall off thereby enabling the mamba to win.
Finally Tony's continues to assert his dominance by embarrassing Bo and her Broncos. Tony has been hotter than two squirels screwing in a wool sock lately by putting up more than 100 points 6 of the last 8 weeks. Bo's team has been colder than a penguin getting left out of a love triangle in Alaska. Things in Bo's world have been tough on her and there's no need for this blog to add any more pain to Bo's world so we'll end it like this.
On that note, enjoy a laugh by watching this clip.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Time Bomb
With each passing week things get more and more exciting. The loser division has a tight race with Joyce & Alan tied for first. The BFF division is close with Doron in first. And is there really any surprise that Zylka is right behind Doron? Don't look now, but Leo could be in contention for the division after this week if he can beat Doron. Tony is starting to pull away with the other division as he has the best record and a strong lineup. The other race is for the wild card which will be undetermined for a few weeks.
I figured with this being Thanksgiving weekend I would share things for which I am thankful.
First of all I'm thankful that I'm not married to Katie. If she picks husbands like she picks fantasy football teams then you know her caveman is a real winner. Katie got slaughtered by the spelling bee champ which is about what she's used to. What was even worse than the defeat was watching her precious Steelers get beat by one of the worst teams in the world, the Kansas City Chiefs. And to add injury to insult, Rothlisburger was injured and his head / highlighted hair may not be alright for this week's game. Leo showed us this week that attention to detail isn't that important when you're playing Katie. Basically a full lineup will do the job. Leo is a little bitter about the trade not going through but he's just using that as motivation to kick butt these last few weeks.
Second I'm thankful for those who have an optimistic outlook on life. Zylka is not one of those people. Rather he is totally bitter primarily because of the rejected trade. There have been threats of not playing next year, or taking $25 worth of pennies and throwing them at certain ringleaders that disrupted the trade or even deficating on people's cars like a certain cat in the basement has been known to do. We'll have to see what Zylka will do, but in the meantime we have to deal with the hellish fury of a scorned only child (a slight variation of the original saying). Vick's Puppy Store was the first victim of Zylka's tirade and we all may be victims if we're not more kind to this very fragile human being. There is no telling what Señor Sarcasm will do. If we're lucky he'll just beat up on a few weaklings in the league, if were unlucky we might want to wear bullet proof vests to work. Only time will tell if Señor Sarcasm will turn into Psycho Sarcasm.
Third, I'm thankful for America and how freaking awesome it is. Japan is not as good as America and Gregg's team is not as good as Tony's. Just like the Japanese always do however, (put up a nice fight, but end up losing (i.e. WWII)) so did GG. 101 points is a lot of points for a guy who gets off by watching children cry, but it wasn't enough because Tony did what the Americans always do...win! That's right, Americans are freaking winners. We invented water parks, fast food, the car, and imported slavery. There is nothing we can't do. And there is nothing that Tony can't do, including beating an opponent without having anybody on his team score a touchdown, punk a little kid out of his Halloween candy, and destroy kids' dreams of getting runover by a car while they play in his street. That's right, Tony is the man. He has the best record in the league and he has the best hairdo as well. Gregg is quite the opposite. He has the worst team in the league and the biggest head.
Fourth, I'm thankful for the freedom's enjoyed in America. I'm not a big proponent of the women's right movement, but in the name of equal opportunity I think it's great. It means that I can punch a woman in the face and have it be ok, and it also means that Joyce can beatdown a Black Mamba and move a step closer to the playoffs. There is no glass ceiling in fantasy football. The irony of Mamba's loss to a girl is the fact that he was beat with his old players. Good 'ol Hines Ward came through with 18 points vs. Marshall's 2. Chris Johnson had 15 points and Ray Rice had 13. It will be interesting to see how the rest of the year plays out to see how Joyce finishes up the season. She sure is lucky to be in the worst division in the history of fantasy football.
Fifth, I'm thankful for big things. You know what I mean... Super Sized Meals, 1/2 pound hamburgers, H2 Hummers, Big women, big houses, the list goes on. And in a world where there are no little people, just people with smaller bodies and bigger aspirations we have the Foreigner busting a move to try and make a late push into contention. This may be a classic too little too late, but like the little train taught us, if we don't think we can, then there's no way we can. Unfortunately for Keler, he can't play Erica's pitiful team every week. Keler is in nice position to sneak in the backdoor and possibly steal the wild card position. He's 6-5 and going up against a divisional opponent. Our bank's favorite SBA rep might come up big afterall.
Finally, I'm thankful for Alan in my life. He's a helluva guy to help put things into perspective. Just today I was down in the dumps and Alan comes by to cheer me up. The key points behind his motivation were that he's busier than everyone in our office, his kids are the dumbest kids around and his wife does absolutely nothing for him or anyone else. The part that makes all of that OK in Alan's world however is that his 6 game losing streak finally came to an end. It took a 124 point effort to overcome an impressive 107 point Bo effort, but he did it. He showed Joyce that he's not willing to lie down and let her violate him and his division. He may even punch her in her equal rights face. That would be a violation of his anger management program so hopefully he'll stick with verbally assaulting her and maybe spitting in her general direction. Congrats on the victory Alan, and good luck in working your way towards being anger free.
I figured with this being Thanksgiving weekend I would share things for which I am thankful.
First of all I'm thankful that I'm not married to Katie. If she picks husbands like she picks fantasy football teams then you know her caveman is a real winner. Katie got slaughtered by the spelling bee champ which is about what she's used to. What was even worse than the defeat was watching her precious Steelers get beat by one of the worst teams in the world, the Kansas City Chiefs. And to add injury to insult, Rothlisburger was injured and his head / highlighted hair may not be alright for this week's game. Leo showed us this week that attention to detail isn't that important when you're playing Katie. Basically a full lineup will do the job. Leo is a little bitter about the trade not going through but he's just using that as motivation to kick butt these last few weeks.
Second I'm thankful for those who have an optimistic outlook on life. Zylka is not one of those people. Rather he is totally bitter primarily because of the rejected trade. There have been threats of not playing next year, or taking $25 worth of pennies and throwing them at certain ringleaders that disrupted the trade or even deficating on people's cars like a certain cat in the basement has been known to do. We'll have to see what Zylka will do, but in the meantime we have to deal with the hellish fury of a scorned only child (a slight variation of the original saying). Vick's Puppy Store was the first victim of Zylka's tirade and we all may be victims if we're not more kind to this very fragile human being. There is no telling what Señor Sarcasm will do. If we're lucky he'll just beat up on a few weaklings in the league, if were unlucky we might want to wear bullet proof vests to work. Only time will tell if Señor Sarcasm will turn into Psycho Sarcasm.
Third, I'm thankful for America and how freaking awesome it is. Japan is not as good as America and Gregg's team is not as good as Tony's. Just like the Japanese always do however, (put up a nice fight, but end up losing (i.e. WWII)) so did GG. 101 points is a lot of points for a guy who gets off by watching children cry, but it wasn't enough because Tony did what the Americans always do...win! That's right, Americans are freaking winners. We invented water parks, fast food, the car, and imported slavery. There is nothing we can't do. And there is nothing that Tony can't do, including beating an opponent without having anybody on his team score a touchdown, punk a little kid out of his Halloween candy, and destroy kids' dreams of getting runover by a car while they play in his street. That's right, Tony is the man. He has the best record in the league and he has the best hairdo as well. Gregg is quite the opposite. He has the worst team in the league and the biggest head.
Fourth, I'm thankful for the freedom's enjoyed in America. I'm not a big proponent of the women's right movement, but in the name of equal opportunity I think it's great. It means that I can punch a woman in the face and have it be ok, and it also means that Joyce can beatdown a Black Mamba and move a step closer to the playoffs. There is no glass ceiling in fantasy football. The irony of Mamba's loss to a girl is the fact that he was beat with his old players. Good 'ol Hines Ward came through with 18 points vs. Marshall's 2. Chris Johnson had 15 points and Ray Rice had 13. It will be interesting to see how the rest of the year plays out to see how Joyce finishes up the season. She sure is lucky to be in the worst division in the history of fantasy football.
Fifth, I'm thankful for big things. You know what I mean... Super Sized Meals, 1/2 pound hamburgers, H2 Hummers, Big women, big houses, the list goes on. And in a world where there are no little people, just people with smaller bodies and bigger aspirations we have the Foreigner busting a move to try and make a late push into contention. This may be a classic too little too late, but like the little train taught us, if we don't think we can, then there's no way we can. Unfortunately for Keler, he can't play Erica's pitiful team every week. Keler is in nice position to sneak in the backdoor and possibly steal the wild card position. He's 6-5 and going up against a divisional opponent. Our bank's favorite SBA rep might come up big afterall.
Finally, I'm thankful for Alan in my life. He's a helluva guy to help put things into perspective. Just today I was down in the dumps and Alan comes by to cheer me up. The key points behind his motivation were that he's busier than everyone in our office, his kids are the dumbest kids around and his wife does absolutely nothing for him or anyone else. The part that makes all of that OK in Alan's world however is that his 6 game losing streak finally came to an end. It took a 124 point effort to overcome an impressive 107 point Bo effort, but he did it. He showed Joyce that he's not willing to lie down and let her violate him and his division. He may even punch her in her equal rights face. That would be a violation of his anger management program so hopefully he'll stick with verbally assaulting her and maybe spitting in her general direction. Congrats on the victory Alan, and good luck in working your way towards being anger free.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Tick Tock
What a bizarre week it was. Every team that won, with the exception of the albino mamba, had a losing record. It's just one of the wierd things that can happen in a fantasy league. Kind of like how horrible one of the divisions is in this league. Here's what's crazy; The Japanese Kamakazi Turds are 1 game out of first with a 3-7 record! The thought that he could actually make the playoffs is frightening considering that he statistically has the 2nd worse team. The only other team statistically worse is Hey Reb, which is considered a bye week in 48 of the states. Only Hawaii and Alaska recognize Hey Reb as an actual fantasy team and that's because they haven't received their certified letters yet.
This weeks "somebody has to win it" game was between the clockmaker and the guy that nobody knows. The best part about this game is that because Katie lost, there is now a three way (Alan will like this) tie between The Jew, The Gentile and the devil worshipper. The mormon is trying to get involved by being a game out, but as Erica will vouch, Mormon's aren't really christians and shouldn't be considered a religion, they are really more of a devil worshipping, kool-aid drinking, child molesting cult. (Which may be true depending on who you ask. Other things that may be true are: Mormons still practice polygamy, have horns, and they make some mean homemade bread... Oh wait...The child molestion part isn't true, that one goes to the Catholics and their overly friendly priests with a hands on approach to "sex education".) I digress...
The other embarrassment of the week was Vick's Puppy Store who laid an egg against the future league champion, Joyce. Her slow start won't hold her down as she is now storming ahead within her piss poor division. She has the two hottest running backs in the game and she's scoring more points than she's ever scored in her life. Watch out for Joyce as she is the 2nd hottest team in the league with 3 consecutive wins (not bad when you have 4 wins total) and she's also the hottest team owner.
The spelling bee champ may be regretting his trade now that word has spread that Dwayne Bowe will be suspended for 4 games due to substance abuse. It's tough when you can't have the Chief's leading receiver & touchdown man since 2007. Not having him for 4 weeks will be enough to knock you out of contention for good. Trading Moss away for Schaub is next to stupid and a bit of an overreaction, but not as stupid as trading Larry Johnson for Drew Brees like you did last year. Speaking of stupid... the other thing that is stupid is that you never look at cbssports.com at work. We appreaciate your newfound work ethic, but seriously, even Doron spends half his day on that sight.
The Bucking Broncos smacked down the misspelled Shimrpees by putting up the most points in the league for the week as my early season prediction comes to fruition. I predicted that Bo would have more wins than the Broncos. The orange helmeted horse team has 6 wins and after Sunday they will have 4 losses in a row. That 6-0 start will be about as surprising as a 6-10 finish.
This weeks proof that miracles do exist was evidenced by the Kamikaze turds lopsided victory of Señor Sarcasm. You almost scored a 100 points which is about as impressive as UNLV football's record which is amazingly similar to 3 of the teams in your division. Scott needs to pick his head up and get his swagger back. He's having a rough go of late and has lost 3 of 4 and 4 of the last 6 including losses to Keler and Gregg and the lone victory being a 1 point take down of Alan. You just upgraded big time by adding Randy Moss at the expense of a QB that you never play. If people have any brains at all they will decline that trade.
Let's reminisce for a moment shall we? Remember after week 4 when there were 4 undefeated teams? Alan was one of those teams and he said, "I have them right where I want them. I may lose a few games here and there, but I'm in perfect position to ride into the playoffs." Well his plan of losing a few here and there has turned into a 6 game losing streak including a loss of 1 point, 2 points and a tough loss to the worst team in the league after putting up 94 points. Erica can't even count that high, let alone score that many points. No wonder Alan's hair is falling out. I'd be stressing big time too if my team sucked that bad that many weeks in a row. While we'd all like to offer sympathy for your hair loss and poor team, the truth is karma has a wierd way of biting you in the balls.
Finally we come to the battle of division leaders where the porn star came up short in a critical matchup. Tony could have pulled out a lead in the division and flexed his muscle by telling the rest of the league which division is the best, but instead it was Doron who came away triumphant with the division lead and the victory. It will be interesting to see how things pan out the rest of the year. We'll see if Leo can spell his way back into contention, which loser will represent the gay division, and which of the four best teams in the league will be left out of the money. Good luck to all of you, unless your record is under .500.
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This weeks "somebody has to win it" game was between the clockmaker and the guy that nobody knows. The best part about this game is that because Katie lost, there is now a three way (Alan will like this) tie between The Jew, The Gentile and the devil worshipper. The mormon is trying to get involved by being a game out, but as Erica will vouch, Mormon's aren't really christians and shouldn't be considered a religion, they are really more of a devil worshipping, kool-aid drinking, child molesting cult. (Which may be true depending on who you ask. Other things that may be true are: Mormons still practice polygamy, have horns, and they make some mean homemade bread... Oh wait...The child molestion part isn't true, that one goes to the Catholics and their overly friendly priests with a hands on approach to "sex education".) I digress...
The other embarrassment of the week was Vick's Puppy Store who laid an egg against the future league champion, Joyce. Her slow start won't hold her down as she is now storming ahead within her piss poor division. She has the two hottest running backs in the game and she's scoring more points than she's ever scored in her life. Watch out for Joyce as she is the 2nd hottest team in the league with 3 consecutive wins (not bad when you have 4 wins total) and she's also the hottest team owner.
The spelling bee champ may be regretting his trade now that word has spread that Dwayne Bowe will be suspended for 4 games due to substance abuse. It's tough when you can't have the Chief's leading receiver & touchdown man since 2007. Not having him for 4 weeks will be enough to knock you out of contention for good. Trading Moss away for Schaub is next to stupid and a bit of an overreaction, but not as stupid as trading Larry Johnson for Drew Brees like you did last year. Speaking of stupid... the other thing that is stupid is that you never look at cbssports.com at work. We appreaciate your newfound work ethic, but seriously, even Doron spends half his day on that sight.
The Bucking Broncos smacked down the misspelled Shimrpees by putting up the most points in the league for the week as my early season prediction comes to fruition. I predicted that Bo would have more wins than the Broncos. The orange helmeted horse team has 6 wins and after Sunday they will have 4 losses in a row. That 6-0 start will be about as surprising as a 6-10 finish.
This weeks proof that miracles do exist was evidenced by the Kamikaze turds lopsided victory of Señor Sarcasm. You almost scored a 100 points which is about as impressive as UNLV football's record which is amazingly similar to 3 of the teams in your division. Scott needs to pick his head up and get his swagger back. He's having a rough go of late and has lost 3 of 4 and 4 of the last 6 including losses to Keler and Gregg and the lone victory being a 1 point take down of Alan. You just upgraded big time by adding Randy Moss at the expense of a QB that you never play. If people have any brains at all they will decline that trade.
Let's reminisce for a moment shall we? Remember after week 4 when there were 4 undefeated teams? Alan was one of those teams and he said, "I have them right where I want them. I may lose a few games here and there, but I'm in perfect position to ride into the playoffs." Well his plan of losing a few here and there has turned into a 6 game losing streak including a loss of 1 point, 2 points and a tough loss to the worst team in the league after putting up 94 points. Erica can't even count that high, let alone score that many points. No wonder Alan's hair is falling out. I'd be stressing big time too if my team sucked that bad that many weeks in a row. While we'd all like to offer sympathy for your hair loss and poor team, the truth is karma has a wierd way of biting you in the balls.
Finally we come to the battle of division leaders where the porn star came up short in a critical matchup. Tony could have pulled out a lead in the division and flexed his muscle by telling the rest of the league which division is the best, but instead it was Doron who came away triumphant with the division lead and the victory. It will be interesting to see how things pan out the rest of the year. We'll see if Leo can spell his way back into contention, which loser will represent the gay division, and which of the four best teams in the league will be left out of the money. Good luck to all of you, unless your record is under .500.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Give the people what they want
I am a man of the people. And as that man, I will give you what you want. More sarcasm, more ridicule and more jokes pointed at Katie with her new nickname, "The ClockMaker." Why the ClockMaker? Because you ask her what time it is, and she'll tell you how to make a clock. It's late at night and I'm a little loopy so let's get started.
First of all, I like how Leo the loser is trying to start a revolution within the league by proposing a 6 team playoff. How self-centered are we Leo? It appears at this moment that you would NOT be one of the top 4 teams, so how wonderful an idea it would be for you to propose something that is not even possible. I know your other league has different capabilities, but keep in mind what Zylka's team name is; "This Site Sucks." And it truly does. Because we did not pay a $250 league fee, we can't use all the nice features that are available for free on sites like Yahoo or ESPN. That is reason number 1 why this site will NOT be used next year. I have other reasons, such as the scoring, functionality and cost. So anyway, even if it were unanimous, there is no possible way for us to alter the way our league is dictated. I know you are frustrated, so the best thing for you to do is to go home to your smoking hot wife and ridicule her. If that doesn't make you feel better than go clown on your kid who can't even walk or talk yet. As far as I'm concerned he's good for one thing right now and that's being a doorstop.
I had a roommate my freshman year in college that said all sorts of funny stuff. One of his favorite quotes was "If. If. If. If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle." That is Alan's theme for the past two weeks and past 3 out of 5. He lost by 1 point two weeks ago and last week he lost by 2. The worst thing coming from Alan's mouth is the excuses of how Calvin Johnson sucks, or if Eagles don't suck cock, or whatever thing he comes up with. The truth of the matter is this; Alan beat up on the weakest division to start off with, and now he is tied for first with a record below .500 and Joyce is breathing down his neck (both literally and figuratively). My bold prediction is that Joyce wins that division and Gregg commits harakiri. Let's not be overly critical of Alan's team. Rather we should be loud and clear that Tony's team is the best in the league right now which is why he has won 6 games in a row and scored the most points.
The other guy making noise in the league is the Mamba who beat the hell out of the clockmaker and the rest of the league. Nice work by duping Joyce & the rest of the league by putting together a "fair" trade which netted you some serious players. Nice Ray Rice addition and Brandon Marshall is working out well too. Thank you for being so generous with your trade. In addition to duping the league into believing your trade was a fair one, you've also convinced the office to start working. The glory days were before you came to our region and we'd sit around playing strip poker and horseshoes with an occasional boccie ball mixed in. Now we have to do actual work and write the LP's & AAM's ourselves rather than outsourcing our work to India. Oh well, I guess this work thing is good for us, but time will tell. Katie - congrats to your Steelers for embarrassing the Broncos. Also, I swear if your mom grabs my butt again I'm going to grab her boob. OK, not really, but I'll expect a sushi lunch out of it. I may have a nice butt, but you can't just grab it without paying for it. I'm a male-whore.
Joyce is moving on up in the league. It's hard not to laugh after reading that, but sadly enough it's true. She lucked out by being in the worst division where you can be three games under .500 and still be 1 game out of first. If you take a realistic look at that division, you'll realize that Joyce is in prime position to take that division over. I don't care what happens, if she wins the league with a sub .500 record, she's not getting the money. Leo had a nice effort with more than 100 points but it was weak QB play that hurt you the most. You can't win em all so you might as well try to rig the system so you can "make things more exciting."
The surprise of the weak came when Keler beat Señor Sarcasm. All the witty remarks weren't enough to put you past the little guy on this one. Keler didn't even care enough to put in a full lineup and it was still enough to come away victorious. I have to admit that I prefer having Señor Sarcasm win because he is more likely to contribute various ideas to the blog. Unfortunately the sour grapes called defeat also caused a case of "writers block."
Bo... just because you don't work with us anymore doesn't mean you throw in the towel with your team. That being said, without you putting forth your best team, you still spanked the Japanese turds. It's been awhile since a team has gone from 1st to worst in such a quick time frame, but Gregg is showing us all how lucky he was to win last year, and how his knowledge of sports is only slightly higher than Mr. Call's. The main advantage in GG's corner is his ability to properly pronounce names. Then again, we may hear a few "Brent Far" references coming from GG's office sooner than later. It's too bad that you can't recall your entire team and start over again.
Finally we come to my match up where I had a bye week and still got a W. Thanks for at least putting in a full lineup Erica.
A few quick notes before I close:
1) There is a Thursday game starting this week and continuing on for the rest of the year (I believe). Be sure to check the schedule so you don't get screwed.
2) This site seriously does suck and will not be used next year.
3) Contrary to popular belief, I think this league is very exciting. Every division has shared ownership of first and with the exception of my division & Gregg, almost everybody else has a real chance of winning it all if you keep winning.
First of all, I like how Leo the loser is trying to start a revolution within the league by proposing a 6 team playoff. How self-centered are we Leo? It appears at this moment that you would NOT be one of the top 4 teams, so how wonderful an idea it would be for you to propose something that is not even possible. I know your other league has different capabilities, but keep in mind what Zylka's team name is; "This Site Sucks." And it truly does. Because we did not pay a $250 league fee, we can't use all the nice features that are available for free on sites like Yahoo or ESPN. That is reason number 1 why this site will NOT be used next year. I have other reasons, such as the scoring, functionality and cost. So anyway, even if it were unanimous, there is no possible way for us to alter the way our league is dictated. I know you are frustrated, so the best thing for you to do is to go home to your smoking hot wife and ridicule her. If that doesn't make you feel better than go clown on your kid who can't even walk or talk yet. As far as I'm concerned he's good for one thing right now and that's being a doorstop.
I had a roommate my freshman year in college that said all sorts of funny stuff. One of his favorite quotes was "If. If. If. If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle." That is Alan's theme for the past two weeks and past 3 out of 5. He lost by 1 point two weeks ago and last week he lost by 2. The worst thing coming from Alan's mouth is the excuses of how Calvin Johnson sucks, or if Eagles don't suck cock, or whatever thing he comes up with. The truth of the matter is this; Alan beat up on the weakest division to start off with, and now he is tied for first with a record below .500 and Joyce is breathing down his neck (both literally and figuratively). My bold prediction is that Joyce wins that division and Gregg commits harakiri. Let's not be overly critical of Alan's team. Rather we should be loud and clear that Tony's team is the best in the league right now which is why he has won 6 games in a row and scored the most points.
The other guy making noise in the league is the Mamba who beat the hell out of the clockmaker and the rest of the league. Nice work by duping Joyce & the rest of the league by putting together a "fair" trade which netted you some serious players. Nice Ray Rice addition and Brandon Marshall is working out well too. Thank you for being so generous with your trade. In addition to duping the league into believing your trade was a fair one, you've also convinced the office to start working. The glory days were before you came to our region and we'd sit around playing strip poker and horseshoes with an occasional boccie ball mixed in. Now we have to do actual work and write the LP's & AAM's ourselves rather than outsourcing our work to India. Oh well, I guess this work thing is good for us, but time will tell. Katie - congrats to your Steelers for embarrassing the Broncos. Also, I swear if your mom grabs my butt again I'm going to grab her boob. OK, not really, but I'll expect a sushi lunch out of it. I may have a nice butt, but you can't just grab it without paying for it. I'm a male-whore.
Joyce is moving on up in the league. It's hard not to laugh after reading that, but sadly enough it's true. She lucked out by being in the worst division where you can be three games under .500 and still be 1 game out of first. If you take a realistic look at that division, you'll realize that Joyce is in prime position to take that division over. I don't care what happens, if she wins the league with a sub .500 record, she's not getting the money. Leo had a nice effort with more than 100 points but it was weak QB play that hurt you the most. You can't win em all so you might as well try to rig the system so you can "make things more exciting."
The surprise of the weak came when Keler beat Señor Sarcasm. All the witty remarks weren't enough to put you past the little guy on this one. Keler didn't even care enough to put in a full lineup and it was still enough to come away victorious. I have to admit that I prefer having Señor Sarcasm win because he is more likely to contribute various ideas to the blog. Unfortunately the sour grapes called defeat also caused a case of "writers block."
Bo... just because you don't work with us anymore doesn't mean you throw in the towel with your team. That being said, without you putting forth your best team, you still spanked the Japanese turds. It's been awhile since a team has gone from 1st to worst in such a quick time frame, but Gregg is showing us all how lucky he was to win last year, and how his knowledge of sports is only slightly higher than Mr. Call's. The main advantage in GG's corner is his ability to properly pronounce names. Then again, we may hear a few "Brent Far" references coming from GG's office sooner than later. It's too bad that you can't recall your entire team and start over again.
Finally we come to my match up where I had a bye week and still got a W. Thanks for at least putting in a full lineup Erica.
A few quick notes before I close:
1) There is a Thursday game starting this week and continuing on for the rest of the year (I believe). Be sure to check the schedule so you don't get screwed.
2) This site seriously does suck and will not be used next year.
3) Contrary to popular belief, I think this league is very exciting. Every division has shared ownership of first and with the exception of my division & Gregg, almost everybody else has a real chance of winning it all if you keep winning.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
No title this week
There are some people in this league that do all they can to lose. Alan is a prime example of that guy. His team starts out 4-0. He claims that he has his division right where he wants them. He said that he could "take a few weeks off" and then he'd be ready for the playoffs and then in a cruel twist of irony, the armed robbery king was robbed yet again (this would be the 16th time), and this time by one of his beloved Lions, Calvin Johnson. Instead of suiting up, this Lion turned cowardly and chose not to suit up for Week 8. Nice contribution to the Blog Zylka and even nicer effort by doing as little as possible and still beating Alan by the foreskin on your teeth by one point.
Long and First absolutely embarrassed the illiterate stumpy & second. For the 3rd week in a row Tony put up some Dirk Digler type numbers and has proven that not only is he a porn-star, but a fantasy football star as well. He is tied for first in the toughest division in the league, and tied for the most points scored. Mr. Horrible-Comebacks was unable to climb back into this game by putting up a pitiful 53 spot. Mama said there'd be days like this but she didn't say that they would be so crappy!
After closing off his borders for many weeks, the Japanese Turd has made an appearance. It's not one that most people will care about since he only beat one of the other poor teams in the league to earn his 2nd victory, however what is noteworthy is that Gregg scored more than 100 points for the first time since week 2! It's about time you put something on the field worth playing. What's even crazier than Gregg winning is the fact that he and Joyce are both only 2 games out of first in their piss poor division with a real possibility of making the playoffs. I say that because it's only a matter of time before Alan flips off cbssports.com and gives up and soon Katie will begin the over analysis and end up starting 7 Pittsburg Steelers. Erica / CJ... I have nothing to say at this moment but I am disappointed.
It's amazing how sometimes zero effort can payoff in the form of a victory. It's almost as if Joyce was trying to lose this past week by playing David Garrard (a cancer) and a kicker & WR that were both on a bye week. Somehow she was still able to put up 112 points and beat up on Salt Lake City's finest SBA rep and Salt Lake City's worst fantasy football player. It was a valiant 98 point effort put up by Keler, but, like most things in his life, he came up just a little bit short.
Black Mamba held on for dear life as Bo & the Bucking Broncos had most of their key players on a bye week (including the dreamy Tom Brady & the Keler like Wes Welker). That's the beauty of fantasy football though. Some weeks you show up with your C-game and still leave a winner. Other weeks you put up massive numbers and walk away a loser. Speaking of losers... Bo- your Broncos lost for the first time this year last week and Doron your BoSox are on year #3 of 86 more years until another World Series is in beantown.
And finally we come to the game between the perverted polygamist flasher, devli worshiper, caveman's wife Katie and the village idiot. I say Village Idiot because only a retard would lose to Katie. But as it can happen, sometimes there aren't any moves you can make that would change the outcome. I asked Katie to explain the victory and this is what I got (Warning, like most of Katie's conversations, this one is way too long and goes nowhere very slowly): Well, going into the week I knew I wasn't going to have any of my Steelers which is funny because the last time the Steelers had a bye week in 2008 I think I was vacationing in Hawaii... no wait, maybe I was camping with my caveman husband... Oh, no. Yes, hmmm... yeah it was Hawaii, I remember because I went with my mother-in-law (who is also a cave-woman) while my husband went hunting and anyway I was really nervous because I didn't want to make the wrong move and accidentally drop a Steeler because that would be really bad luck. And believe you me I know about bad luck, just look at how paranoid I am. I think everything and everyone is against me. Anyway... blah blah blah blah blah (it went on like this for about 25 minutes before I pretended to get a phone call and I walked away while Katie talked to herself).
Long and First absolutely embarrassed the illiterate stumpy & second. For the 3rd week in a row Tony put up some Dirk Digler type numbers and has proven that not only is he a porn-star, but a fantasy football star as well. He is tied for first in the toughest division in the league, and tied for the most points scored. Mr. Horrible-Comebacks was unable to climb back into this game by putting up a pitiful 53 spot. Mama said there'd be days like this but she didn't say that they would be so crappy!
After closing off his borders for many weeks, the Japanese Turd has made an appearance. It's not one that most people will care about since he only beat one of the other poor teams in the league to earn his 2nd victory, however what is noteworthy is that Gregg scored more than 100 points for the first time since week 2! It's about time you put something on the field worth playing. What's even crazier than Gregg winning is the fact that he and Joyce are both only 2 games out of first in their piss poor division with a real possibility of making the playoffs. I say that because it's only a matter of time before Alan flips off cbssports.com and gives up and soon Katie will begin the over analysis and end up starting 7 Pittsburg Steelers. Erica / CJ... I have nothing to say at this moment but I am disappointed.
It's amazing how sometimes zero effort can payoff in the form of a victory. It's almost as if Joyce was trying to lose this past week by playing David Garrard (a cancer) and a kicker & WR that were both on a bye week. Somehow she was still able to put up 112 points and beat up on Salt Lake City's finest SBA rep and Salt Lake City's worst fantasy football player. It was a valiant 98 point effort put up by Keler, but, like most things in his life, he came up just a little bit short.
Black Mamba held on for dear life as Bo & the Bucking Broncos had most of their key players on a bye week (including the dreamy Tom Brady & the Keler like Wes Welker). That's the beauty of fantasy football though. Some weeks you show up with your C-game and still leave a winner. Other weeks you put up massive numbers and walk away a loser. Speaking of losers... Bo- your Broncos lost for the first time this year last week and Doron your BoSox are on year #3 of 86 more years until another World Series is in beantown.
And finally we come to the game between the perverted polygamist flasher, devli worshiper, caveman's wife Katie and the village idiot. I say Village Idiot because only a retard would lose to Katie. But as it can happen, sometimes there aren't any moves you can make that would change the outcome. I asked Katie to explain the victory and this is what I got (Warning, like most of Katie's conversations, this one is way too long and goes nowhere very slowly): Well, going into the week I knew I wasn't going to have any of my Steelers which is funny because the last time the Steelers had a bye week in 2008 I think I was vacationing in Hawaii... no wait, maybe I was camping with my caveman husband... Oh, no. Yes, hmmm... yeah it was Hawaii, I remember because I went with my mother-in-law (who is also a cave-woman) while my husband went hunting and anyway I was really nervous because I didn't want to make the wrong move and accidentally drop a Steeler because that would be really bad luck. And believe you me I know about bad luck, just look at how paranoid I am. I think everything and everyone is against me. Anyway... blah blah blah blah blah (it went on like this for about 25 minutes before I pretended to get a phone call and I walked away while Katie talked to herself).
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Short & Sweet
This weeks will be short. While I apologize to those readers whose highlight of the week comes from reading this blog, I am tired and running low on original material. Hopefully this shorter blog will inspire fresh ideas to keep you laughing for the rest of the season. So let's begin...
The quotes of the week have definitely been from Doron. On Friday he had a classic prediction; "Barely Legal will be Barely Alive when I'm done with him!" This Arnold Schwarzenegger - esque quote was slightly accurate. The Mamba hailed victorious but not in blow out fashion. Alan showed up to the fight with a handful of rocks and stupidly played an injured Cotchery while Mamba showed up with some hand-guns and rocket launchers. This victory wasn't quite Israeli special forces worthy, but it was good enough.
I'm proud of Erica. I really am. You won't ever read this blog to know it but I'm proud of you because you actually took an interest in your fantasy team this week. It was a good time to do it too because you faced Joyce and her horrible team. Nice trade by the way. Way to get weaker than you already are. Erica, congrats on your victory but in reality you shouldn't look forward to many more. The eye of your prize should remain focused on the running Rebels. Go UNLV!
Katie has officially sold her soul to the devil. Here's how it went. Good 'ol Lucifer shows up (he actually prefers Lucy) and says I'd like to have your soul. What will it cost? Since Katie is not that bright she asks for about 5 weeks to think it over. During that time Lucy shows up repeatedly with ideas of fortune, fame, a transformation of his caveman husband to Tom Brady or Rothlesburger or both. After over analyzing it to death in typical Katie fashion she settles on a "hot streak in fantasy football". This was the easiest deal the devil ever cut and Katie no longer has a soul, but she does have an up and coming fantasy football team. Bo... this was a tough week for you so we'll take it easy on you for now.
Something nice happened over the weekend. Señor Sarcasm had his second piece of humble pie. This time it came from Long & First. Tony put up massive numbers for the second week in a row to lead all teams in scoring. Tony is putting himself in the running to be one of the top teams in the league. He is tied for the second best record and is currently the man that would take the wild card if the season ended today. What's even better than Tony's victory is the fact that the Yankees are back in the World Series after a 6 year absence. Finally baseball is worth watching in October.
The funniest matchup of the week is that Leo got insulted in a number of ways this past week. First Leo tried to be a funny man and got bitten by a snake. Mr. Mamba's insults were hilarious except for the part about Leo's sister being a whore in New Orleans. Turns out Leo's sister has autism and the likelihood of her being a street walker are about the same as me becoming CEO of WAL. To make matters even worse in Leo's world, he got beat by some kid in junior high with one of the worst teams in the league. That was some solid work by Keler and his friends in Algebra I. Putting up 103 points and leaving more on the bench is no joke. Good luck on your mid-term exams coming up. Let me know if you need any help with your Spanish homework.
Finally we come to my game. There never was much of a chance for Gregg and his pathetic excuse of a team. I think it's about time the gloves come off and Gregg gets his fair share of insults. (Keep in mind that it's 12:30 am and I'm not thinking that coherently.) Gregg - we want you to be successful in this league and in life, so here is some advice. 1) Get plastic surgery done on your eyes. Part of the reason your Fantasy Football analysis is so flawed is because you can't see all that the computer screen has to offer. If you had Adriane look at the stats with you, you would fair better. 2) Lose some weight. Let's be honest here. You are really fat and your lack of exercise and discipline is NOT making matters easier for you. There is so much fat in your body that it's actually blocking your brain from properly thinking. 3) Take some golf lessons. You are horrible. Not quite sure how this translates over to fantasy football. and 4) Stop lying to yourself and others. It's time you stop telling yourself that it's a good idea to keep Fred Jackson on your team. It's time you stop telling loan committee that certain deals you're working on are viable when you know and I know that most of the numbers on your LP are fictional. You need to take an honest look at your team and realize that you need to blow it up and start over.
There is one thing that I like about the cbssports website. It is this feature. If you look at the site, it shows how your record is against the other teams and how it would be if you matched up against them during the other weeks. Both Zylka and I are the only teams that have a winning record against every other team. I thought I might point that out.
Finally, and on a serious note I would like to say something to Bo. I have worked with you for the past 3 plus years. It has been a pleasure to work with you and to get to know you and your family. Thank you for your hardwork on the various projects you worked on and for handling yourself with class and dignity. I'll miss your bright cheery outfits with nails to match. I'm sure you'll get back on your feet and find work soon. Best of luck to you.
The quotes of the week have definitely been from Doron. On Friday he had a classic prediction; "Barely Legal will be Barely Alive when I'm done with him!" This Arnold Schwarzenegger - esque quote was slightly accurate. The Mamba hailed victorious but not in blow out fashion. Alan showed up to the fight with a handful of rocks and stupidly played an injured Cotchery while Mamba showed up with some hand-guns and rocket launchers. This victory wasn't quite Israeli special forces worthy, but it was good enough.
I'm proud of Erica. I really am. You won't ever read this blog to know it but I'm proud of you because you actually took an interest in your fantasy team this week. It was a good time to do it too because you faced Joyce and her horrible team. Nice trade by the way. Way to get weaker than you already are. Erica, congrats on your victory but in reality you shouldn't look forward to many more. The eye of your prize should remain focused on the running Rebels. Go UNLV!
Katie has officially sold her soul to the devil. Here's how it went. Good 'ol Lucifer shows up (he actually prefers Lucy) and says I'd like to have your soul. What will it cost? Since Katie is not that bright she asks for about 5 weeks to think it over. During that time Lucy shows up repeatedly with ideas of fortune, fame, a transformation of his caveman husband to Tom Brady or Rothlesburger or both. After over analyzing it to death in typical Katie fashion she settles on a "hot streak in fantasy football". This was the easiest deal the devil ever cut and Katie no longer has a soul, but she does have an up and coming fantasy football team. Bo... this was a tough week for you so we'll take it easy on you for now.
Something nice happened over the weekend. Señor Sarcasm had his second piece of humble pie. This time it came from Long & First. Tony put up massive numbers for the second week in a row to lead all teams in scoring. Tony is putting himself in the running to be one of the top teams in the league. He is tied for the second best record and is currently the man that would take the wild card if the season ended today. What's even better than Tony's victory is the fact that the Yankees are back in the World Series after a 6 year absence. Finally baseball is worth watching in October.
The funniest matchup of the week is that Leo got insulted in a number of ways this past week. First Leo tried to be a funny man and got bitten by a snake. Mr. Mamba's insults were hilarious except for the part about Leo's sister being a whore in New Orleans. Turns out Leo's sister has autism and the likelihood of her being a street walker are about the same as me becoming CEO of WAL. To make matters even worse in Leo's world, he got beat by some kid in junior high with one of the worst teams in the league. That was some solid work by Keler and his friends in Algebra I. Putting up 103 points and leaving more on the bench is no joke. Good luck on your mid-term exams coming up. Let me know if you need any help with your Spanish homework.
Finally we come to my game. There never was much of a chance for Gregg and his pathetic excuse of a team. I think it's about time the gloves come off and Gregg gets his fair share of insults. (Keep in mind that it's 12:30 am and I'm not thinking that coherently.) Gregg - we want you to be successful in this league and in life, so here is some advice. 1) Get plastic surgery done on your eyes. Part of the reason your Fantasy Football analysis is so flawed is because you can't see all that the computer screen has to offer. If you had Adriane look at the stats with you, you would fair better. 2) Lose some weight. Let's be honest here. You are really fat and your lack of exercise and discipline is NOT making matters easier for you. There is so much fat in your body that it's actually blocking your brain from properly thinking. 3) Take some golf lessons. You are horrible. Not quite sure how this translates over to fantasy football. and 4) Stop lying to yourself and others. It's time you stop telling yourself that it's a good idea to keep Fred Jackson on your team. It's time you stop telling loan committee that certain deals you're working on are viable when you know and I know that most of the numbers on your LP are fictional. You need to take an honest look at your team and realize that you need to blow it up and start over.
There is one thing that I like about the cbssports website. It is this feature. If you look at the site, it shows how your record is against the other teams and how it would be if you matched up against them during the other weeks. Both Zylka and I are the only teams that have a winning record against every other team. I thought I might point that out.
Finally, and on a serious note I would like to say something to Bo. I have worked with you for the past 3 plus years. It has been a pleasure to work with you and to get to know you and your family. Thank you for your hardwork on the various projects you worked on and for handling yourself with class and dignity. I'll miss your bright cheery outfits with nails to match. I'm sure you'll get back on your feet and find work soon. Best of luck to you.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I'm seriously embarrassed
A few of you have gently and others not so gently told me that I'm down right rude, crude and mean-spirited. I learned from a wise woman that my gut instinct is what I should go with. I'm not about to take a sensitivity training course, but I will be more considerate of those who may be near suicidal because your fantasy football teams SUCK and you can't take a little bit of joking. To those of you that are not sensitive, you will have to feel extra wrath for me holding back on the butterflies of the group.
The first match up to be discussed is between the Black Mamba & Vick's Puppy Store. Most of the time when black mamba faces a dog, the snake will hail victorious. This week however, what was expected to happen did not happen. It seems that this October is spookier than normal and people like Doron will hate life even more as the month progresses. The only thing that could make Doron's life worse is if he came home and found his wife wearing this.
The next clown session won't be that good because I was unable to dedicate enough time to it. Since I'm not in the office for 40 hours a week, I wasn't really able to think of enough funny things to say to the guy who said he cashes his paycheck at Wal-Mart. That's right Alan; you. You got beat down by Leo's illiterate team and even worse you failed to put in a complete lineup. The biggest atrocity that you committed may be the fact that you don't realize that once you leave for the day at 2:30, the rest of the office doesn't go home. Most of us stay until at least 5pm, while a handful actually stick around until 5:05. I think what most of us really want out of you though Alan is a real effort. For the love. You're in the worst division in the league. There is no reason why you shouldn't be dominating it more than you already are. At least take the time to fill in your roster. What is being overlooked in this paragraph is the fact that Leo has put in a solid performance three weeks in a row. He's not used to being "Mr. Stamina" so let's not get too excited about his win streak, but we'll congratulate him on what he's done. 125 points is no joke!.
The next winner isn't used to being congratulated. Since that's the case, we'll do it subtly and with lots of tongue in cheek. Here goes nothing: We are so proud of you Keler. You had a great weekend. Not only did you beat the worst team in the league, you also lost your man-card. Seriously! You took your wife to see Justin Timberlake? It's one thing if he's hosting the ESPY's or another if he's hosting SNL , but that as a weekend date with the wife is not the best of ideas. Gregg... Your team is horrible. You have no hope. We thought the match up would look something like this, but instead it looked like this. Thanks for your $25 donation.
Bo got back in gear this weekend. It's a good thing she was out "sick" the whole week with "swine flu" because it allowed her some quality one on one time with cbssports.com to get her team in line. Nice 125 point effort there. It's too bad that you got all of those points against a dud of an opponent. Seriously Erica... 53 points? Come on! You're like a really bad stunt double. You're right Bo, I can't dog your Brady - Welker combo. They were a freak of nature.
Next we come to Señor Sarcasm against the oblivious. I want Joyce to win and be successful. After all, she's done wonderful things for the bank and is great to work with and at the beginning of the year she talked a lot about knowing what she was doing. As it turns out she possibly has the best pool of talent that sits on the bench every week. She's got a great pool of running backs that she hoards and rather than trading them for some much needed WR help. Come on Joyce... you're better than this! As for Señor Sarcasm, you survived this week after thinking the Raiders were going to lie down like a bunch of pirate hookers and allow McNabb to go off. Congrats on your victory and on being a part of the one loss club.
Finally we go to Long and First who was against the lady whose excuse for not putting in a full lineup is that she would rather party with a bunch of complete strangers then go to church with her husband (even though she thinks organized religion is a joke) and not even access her IPhone during the pastor's boring sermon to make a few last minute lineup changes. COME ON KATIE! Why have an IPhone with a limited 3G network if you're not going to use it? Tony is living in a dream world right now. How could life get any better? The Yanks are up 3-1 and about to beat the Angels, the Bo-Sox are out of the playoffs, he has the best portfolio in the bank, his hair is starting to grow back, and on top of all of that his record is 4-2 and he is in a great position to win the wild-card playoff spot. This is where I should mention that Katie left a slew of points on the bench by having bye week players in, but because I'm going to be more sensitive, I won't state plainly that that was a BONEHEAD move.
The first match up to be discussed is between the Black Mamba & Vick's Puppy Store. Most of the time when black mamba faces a dog, the snake will hail victorious. This week however, what was expected to happen did not happen. It seems that this October is spookier than normal and people like Doron will hate life even more as the month progresses. The only thing that could make Doron's life worse is if he came home and found his wife wearing this.
The next clown session won't be that good because I was unable to dedicate enough time to it. Since I'm not in the office for 40 hours a week, I wasn't really able to think of enough funny things to say to the guy who said he cashes his paycheck at Wal-Mart. That's right Alan; you. You got beat down by Leo's illiterate team and even worse you failed to put in a complete lineup. The biggest atrocity that you committed may be the fact that you don't realize that once you leave for the day at 2:30, the rest of the office doesn't go home. Most of us stay until at least 5pm, while a handful actually stick around until 5:05. I think what most of us really want out of you though Alan is a real effort. For the love. You're in the worst division in the league. There is no reason why you shouldn't be dominating it more than you already are. At least take the time to fill in your roster. What is being overlooked in this paragraph is the fact that Leo has put in a solid performance three weeks in a row. He's not used to being "Mr. Stamina" so let's not get too excited about his win streak, but we'll congratulate him on what he's done. 125 points is no joke!.
The next winner isn't used to being congratulated. Since that's the case, we'll do it subtly and with lots of tongue in cheek. Here goes nothing: We are so proud of you Keler. You had a great weekend. Not only did you beat the worst team in the league, you also lost your man-card. Seriously! You took your wife to see Justin Timberlake? It's one thing if he's hosting the ESPY's or another if he's hosting SNL , but that as a weekend date with the wife is not the best of ideas. Gregg... Your team is horrible. You have no hope. We thought the match up would look something like this, but instead it looked like this. Thanks for your $25 donation.
Bo got back in gear this weekend. It's a good thing she was out "sick" the whole week with "swine flu" because it allowed her some quality one on one time with cbssports.com to get her team in line. Nice 125 point effort there. It's too bad that you got all of those points against a dud of an opponent. Seriously Erica... 53 points? Come on! You're like a really bad stunt double. You're right Bo, I can't dog your Brady - Welker combo. They were a freak of nature.
Next we come to Señor Sarcasm against the oblivious. I want Joyce to win and be successful. After all, she's done wonderful things for the bank and is great to work with and at the beginning of the year she talked a lot about knowing what she was doing. As it turns out she possibly has the best pool of talent that sits on the bench every week. She's got a great pool of running backs that she hoards and rather than trading them for some much needed WR help. Come on Joyce... you're better than this! As for Señor Sarcasm, you survived this week after thinking the Raiders were going to lie down like a bunch of pirate hookers and allow McNabb to go off. Congrats on your victory and on being a part of the one loss club.
Finally we go to Long and First who was against the lady whose excuse for not putting in a full lineup is that she would rather party with a bunch of complete strangers then go to church with her husband (even though she thinks organized religion is a joke) and not even access her IPhone during the pastor's boring sermon to make a few last minute lineup changes. COME ON KATIE! Why have an IPhone with a limited 3G network if you're not going to use it? Tony is living in a dream world right now. How could life get any better? The Yanks are up 3-1 and about to beat the Angels, the Bo-Sox are out of the playoffs, he has the best portfolio in the bank, his hair is starting to grow back, and on top of all of that his record is 4-2 and he is in a great position to win the wild-card playoff spot. This is where I should mention that Katie left a slew of points on the bench by having bye week players in, but because I'm going to be more sensitive, I won't state plainly that that was a BONEHEAD move.
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