Short & Sweet

This weeks will be short. While I apologize to those readers whose highlight of the week comes from reading this blog, I am tired and running low on original material. Hopefully this shorter blog will inspire fresh ideas to keep you laughing for the rest of the season. So let's begin...

The quotes of the week have definitely been from Doron. On Friday he had a classic prediction; "Barely Legal will be Barely Alive when I'm done with him!" This Arnold Schwarzenegger - esque quote was slightly accurate. The Mamba hailed victorious but not in blow out fashion. Alan showed up to the fight with a handful of rocks and stupidly played an injured Cotchery while Mamba showed up with some hand-guns and rocket launchers. This victory wasn't quite Israeli special forces worthy, but it was good enough.

I'm proud of Erica. I really am. You won't ever read this blog to know it but I'm proud of you because you actually took an interest in your fantasy team this week. It was a good time to do it too because you faced Joyce and her horrible team. Nice trade by the way. Way to get weaker than you already are. Erica, congrats on your victory but in reality you shouldn't look forward to many more. The eye of your prize should remain focused on the running Rebels. Go UNLV!

Katie has officially sold her soul to the devil. Here's how it went. Good 'ol Lucifer shows up (he actually prefers Lucy) and says I'd like to have your soul. What will it cost? Since Katie is not that bright she asks for about 5 weeks to think it over. During that time Lucy shows up repeatedly with ideas of fortune, fame, a transformation of his caveman husband to Tom Brady or Rothlesburger or both. After over analyzing it to death in typical Katie fashion she settles on a "hot streak in fantasy football". This was the easiest deal the devil ever cut and Katie no longer has a soul, but she does have an up and coming fantasy football team. Bo... this was a tough week for you so we'll take it easy on you for now.

Something nice happened over the weekend. Señor Sarcasm had his second piece of humble pie. This time it came from Long & First. Tony put up massive numbers for the second week in a row to lead all teams in scoring. Tony is putting himself in the running to be one of the top teams in the league. He is tied for the second best record and is currently the man that would take the wild card if the season ended today. What's even better than Tony's victory is the fact that the Yankees are back in the World Series after a 6 year absence. Finally baseball is worth watching in October.

The funniest matchup of the week is that Leo got insulted in a number of ways this past week. First Leo tried to be a funny man and got bitten by a snake. Mr. Mamba's insults were hilarious except for the part about Leo's sister being a whore in New Orleans. Turns out Leo's sister has autism and the likelihood of her being a street walker are about the same as me becoming CEO of WAL. To make matters even worse in Leo's world, he got beat by some kid in junior high with one of the worst teams in the league. That was some solid work by Keler and his friends in Algebra I. Putting up 103 points and leaving more on the bench is no joke. Good luck on your mid-term exams coming up. Let me know if you need any help with your Spanish homework.

Finally we come to my game. There never was much of a chance for Gregg and his pathetic excuse of a team. I think it's about time the gloves come off and Gregg gets his fair share of insults. (Keep in mind that it's 12:30 am and I'm not thinking that coherently.) Gregg - we want you to be successful in this league and in life, so here is some advice. 1) Get plastic surgery done on your eyes. Part of the reason your Fantasy Football analysis is so flawed is because you can't see all that the computer screen has to offer. If you had Adriane look at the stats with you, you would fair better. 2) Lose some weight. Let's be honest here. You are really fat and your lack of exercise and discipline is NOT making matters easier for you. There is so much fat in your body that it's actually blocking your brain from properly thinking. 3) Take some golf lessons. You are horrible. Not quite sure how this translates over to fantasy football. and 4) Stop lying to yourself and others. It's time you stop telling yourself that it's a good idea to keep Fred Jackson on your team. It's time you stop telling loan committee that certain deals you're working on are viable when you know and I know that most of the numbers on your LP are fictional. You need to take an honest look at your team and realize that you need to blow it up and start over.

There is one thing that I like about the cbssports website. It is this feature. If you look at the site, it shows how your record is against the other teams and how it would be if you matched up against them during the other weeks. Both Zylka and I are the only teams that have a winning record against every other team. I thought I might point that out.

Finally, and on a serious note I would like to say something to Bo. I have worked with you for the past 3 plus years. It has been a pleasure to work with you and to get to know you and your family. Thank you for your hardwork on the various projects you worked on and for handling yourself with class and dignity. I'll miss your bright cheery outfits with nails to match. I'm sure you'll get back on your feet and find work soon. Best of luck to you.