Depression is very serious

This week's blog will start off how last week's should have. A note of congratulations is in order for Joyce. Many of you may know that Joyce recently gave her daughter away in the form of marriage and we are very happy for you. Joyce told me all about the wedding and how wonderful it was. Not sure if you guys have seen the pictures yet so I thought I'd post them on the blog for you to check out. Congratulations again Joyce, they truly look like a happy couple that are made for each other.

A handful of our fellow fantasy footballers may be feeling the blues lately. They may have run out of hope and feel that all is lost. For those of you who may be feeling that way (i.e. Joyce, Gregg, Bo, CJ / Erica, & Keler), know that in your case, there really shouldn't be that much hope. Your teams suck, and you suck too. You'd probably be better off staying home popping zits rather than wasting your time with this fantasy football thing. But the truth of it is we appreciate your zeal and your go-get'em attitude which makes nothing impossible.

Katie should have been included in the loser list but she decided to make the impossible a possibility as she rocked Zylka's world. Ms. Pitt's made every move the right move and scored the most points in week 5. Señor Sarcasm wasn't sure what just hit him but he knows it now. It was Katie's boobs as she flaunted them for a polygamist man and his many wives as they walked out of the Costco in St. George. Not sure why Zylka & Katie were there together, but I'm 100% sure of what happened. Zylka never saw it coming and it's something that he'll never forget. To Señor Sarcasms credit, he made a handful of great moves to get that close but he chose wrong on RB & QB and it cost him his Patriotic chance of perfection.

The winner of this weeks Loser Bowl was Bo as she outsmarted and outclassed Joyce. Had Joyce played her cards right, she could've scored 95 points, but that's a silly thought to think that Joyce would play her cards right. Meanwhile the Bucking Broncos got daring and benched Brady and played Rothleshamburglar. A move that paid immediate dividends. Way to go Bo! You now have 2 wins. Joyce, keep your head up, at least you'll have Julius Jones on your bench (assuming our trade goes through).

Long and First took a new approach to things this week. He actually tried to lose which is why he started Derek Anderson who came through with negative 2 points. Unfortunately for Tony, the rest of his team didn't fall in line and they put up an ugly 82 points which was enough to outscore CJ & his Rams. What's really sad is that if you put up CJ's points from Sunday, and combine them with the Ram's points scored so far this year, CJ would barely eek out a win. This probably hurts extra because CJ is a Rams fan too.

There was a highly anticipated matchup this week that consisted of much trash talk. I call it the battle of man vs midget in which the Zohan beat the metrosexual. Rumor has it that the movie "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" was inspired by the Black Mamba. He too was the "greatest Israeli soldier" but he had bigger dreams. So the Mamba followed his heart into the banking world with a commitment to the Isreali government that he would return on occasion to wipe his butt with insubordinate Palestinians and other radical leaders. (Not sure why those two are holding hands... that could be saucey!) Anyway, back to the game. Keler put up a valiant 98 point effort but the lesson to be learned is you don't bring a knife to a gun fight. Don't get too down on yourself though Keler. You put up 98 points and that's impressive. Your team is starting to look better and with a little bit of luck and some pixie dust you might win a few more games before the season is over.

Sometimes in life you got a hunch on how things are going to turn out. Gregg and his kamikaze turds do not have that hunch. Their gut feeling is the wrong feeling. Every move you make is the wrong move and the office would appreciate it if you'd start sharing your hot-stock tips so we can promptly do the opposite. The local spelling bee champion is starting to make a move as he is 3-2 with 2 impressive wins in a row. The future Father of the Year is recovering quite well after being the first surrogate father since Arnold in Junior. (Seriously though, I can't believe your wife just had a baby. She looks great!, and the baby was cute too.)

Finally we come to the matchup which pitted two division leaders against each other. Problem is Alan and most of his players were on a fantasy vacation with Terry Tate and were unable to participate in the game. This resulted in an old fashion beatdown with Alan immediately claiming that he only lost because he no longer cared. Amazing how a guy with a 4-1 record no longer cares.