Oh boy. Week #1 is behind us and blog #1 is about to punch some of you in the nuts (or ovaries, or both (That’s right Jared, your team sucked so badly in victory that your tweeze nuts turned into ovaries.))
We’ll start with the embarrassing matchup of the week whose combined point total was slightly higher than that of our newest Victorious Secret model. Let me recap a private conversation (something I’m known to do on a regular basis if you ask Katie, but don’t bother asking her because her opinions on things are worthless which is evidenced by her disgusting excuse for a fantasy football team)…
Jared: “I think I have the best team in the draft. Arian Foster is awesome, Kevin Kolb will be solid, and Matt Ryan could go to the Super Bowl this year.”
Josh: “I’m no doctor (well if that isn’t the most obvious statement of the year. No freaking duh you’re not a doctor. That’s probably why we don’t call you Dr. Haldeman. That’s probably why you work in a bank. Not only are you not a doctor, you’re not even a banker. You’re a putz, if that.) but, Arian Foster’s hammy looks like it’s tweaked pretty good and I bet he won’t even play for awhile.”
(Turns out Josh might be more of a doctor than we all thought.)
The good news is that Jared’s team won in as ugly fashion as humanly possible. The bad news is his team sucks. The worse news is Katie’s team looks like the bald spot on the back of Alan’s head. It’s like a train wreck. It’s like a partial term abortion. I know I begged & pleaded with Katie to join the league but after the results in week 1 I feel bad. Let me recommend a few other hobbies for you other than fantasy football:
Raising Pet Monkeys (it can be more fun than you think)
Learn to make clocks (this skill will be very handy, especially when one asks you what time it is)
Join a club such as 4-HFrom the bottom of our hearts we hope things turn around for you.
On a serious note, we’re all glad your grandma is on the up & up. Hopefully she can improve quicker than your fantasy football team.
The new kid on the block deserves some credit. First of all, let’s not kid ourselves and think that Mariselle (Victorious Secret) has a clue as to what is going on. This is made even more apparent when she stated this morning “I’m winning you all.” Uhhhh... no you’re not. This is not a competition to win individuals that will then turn them into slaves. That would make things more interesting however and will be considered next year. The proper wording should be “I’m beating you all.” Mariselle (aka Ace – which is a ridiculous nickname for a guy that doesn’t play poker. His nickname should be drift, breaker, fuel, speed… but not ace. I digress) put up some massive points. It could’ve been so much better had Rothlesshamburglar and the Steelers not gotten punked but things happen. Our poor grandma was so excited waking up Monday to the possibility of a week 1 victory. She couldn’t wait to throw it back in our face that picking Roddy White #1 overall was a great move… how’d that work out? Don’t worry señorita, things will get better for ya. Your next opponent is the same idiot that writes this blog.
After being a cellar dweller for each and every fantasy football season we’ve had, Mr. CJ “That’s not Mine” decided to see what it feels like to be over .500. Congrats on that accomplishment and thanks for sending Leo out with a bang. The Shrimp Shack Shooter spelled his name right and moved out to CA where he won’t be missed. We’ve all heard stories about someone leaving a bank and the people left behind throwing a huge celebration party. I heard the party at Sahara today was worthy of Kool & the Gang. Tom Brady almost made the comeback of the century happen for Leo. I’m convinced it could’ve happened if he would’ve thrown to Chad Ochocinco, but that’s just me… pissed off he didn’t get more than 14 yards receiving on a night that Brady threw for 517!
Now the delicate match-up to critique. Do I rip the guy in credit admin whose Jewish heritage has made it incredibly difficult for him to pay his measly $25 entrance fee or the guy with a New Jersey heritage that most likely has connections to the mob? One of the guys can ensure that none of my credit are ever approved and the other can bombard me with so many crappy loans that I’ll actually have to work. Weighing my options I’ll decide to play it cautiously and rip the mob guy. Let’s face it, the mob isn’t as powerful as it used to be. All those old-school mobsters sold out to Wall-Street. Plus we all know that Tony is more bark than bite. Somebody could not possibly squeeze your head in a vice and then answer the phone with a polite demeanor and slightly high pitched tone like Tony does and be hard-core. A real bad a$$ would scream at everybody regardless of who they are for the simple reason that they are interrupting him. The only plea that we all have is that you don’t go postal on me for writing this and on everybody else just for reading it. The biggest fantasy football nerd of us all may have won the Toyota Tacoma draft award but that obviously wasn’t enough to win in week #1. Better luck next week.
The last matchup to be discussed was the another great victory for America over our rival Japan. Some of you may be confused by that statement and think that we are allies with Japan but that is not the case at all. My brother informed me that America was behind the earthquake that occurred a few months ago in Japan. If my crazy brother knows about this kind of stuff it must be true. The other thing that we all know is true is that it is only a matter of time until Gregg goes kamikaze on us and leaves the bank for greener pastures. He has beaten most of the league’s participant’s expectations by sticking around as long as he has. It is assumed by many that Gregg is only sticking around the bank for fear that he will be exiled from the league if he leaves again during the season. The defending champ didn’t have enough in the tank to do anything worthwhile against the dude with a picture of a guy that literally crapped himself. You suck Gregg, enjoy a crappy season!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Boring & not so boring
Nobody likes a blow out, just like nobody likes a show off. We will let recent history be the proof. The worst Super Bowl's are blowouts. The Ravens beating down the Giants, boring. 49ers crushing the Chargers, yawn. Cowboys over the Bills (both times), blah. And so for that reason I'm not going to give a ton of attention to the attention whores that so ruthlessly embarrassed their foes.
Tony beat down Henderson's finest by more than 74 points. This is akin to Tony playing baseball against a 5 year old, going yard, then relentlessly talking trash by saying things like "You suck! That was the biggest freaking meatball I've seen since I went to Bucca de Beppo, and the biggest one your mom has seen since... Seriously, you're five? You throw like a 3 year old girl!" It's a 5 year old for crying out loud, there is no need. The same is true for the schlacking you gave CJ. There's a reason why there's a ten run mercy rule in T-ball & softball. I guess congrats are in order for setting a world record in points and for making the rest of the league want to give up on life and contemplate suicide. Life freaking sucks! I will say however, that if you can go through the year undefeated then you should win the entire pot of money.
The second blow-out came from Katie who crushed Joyce. This mock of a competition showed us that Katie is no fluke and she has no mercy either. This match-up was like Michael Phelps vs. the Ethiopians in the pool. Not such a good idea if your the Ethiopians. Actually it's more like Joyce is representing the special olympics and Katie is the ruthless Chinese monsters that eat handicap people for breakfast and train against them to build up their confidence. Katie is super confident now. She's so confident she may end up pregnant like Mariselle soon.
The third spanking came when I found myself up against Leo. I went in with high expectations but left a non-lovable loser (notice who the non-lovable loser was in that pic) for the 5th time in a row. I'm like the retarded kid that gets put in right field on the "coach pitch" little league team. I'm so bad that the coach under hands a rubber ball for me, but that's still too tough. Maybe one day I'll get a win.
The last two match-ups are the type we all love to be a part of only if we win.
This weeks battle of the Israeli born Jew vs. the American Jew was more exciting than a Rodney King riot. After feeling pretty confident that a victory was sealed, Brett Favre threw a pick six enabling Alan's Jet's defense to pick up an extra 8 points and a victory was sealed. The Black Mamba became Alan's "black mama" and Monday's will never be the same again! I'd like to be done with this one and move on but the victory was so sweet and the loss so bitter that it needs this clip incorporated somehow. Or this one. Those clips epitomize what it's like to be so close to scoring and then Bam! You get kicked in the balls and you're forever embarrassed.
Finally, the Boser mounted come back that fell just short. Gregg is usually the one that is used to coming up short, but that is not the case this year. After feeling slightly guilty for leaving us to another bank and getting slaughtered by Joyce, he puffed up his chest, showed off his hairy arms and enjoyed the new bank with a much relaxed dress code to lead his team to victory. Poor Boser needed less than one point to complete the comeback but was unable to do so. I can only imagine what it was like for Boser. Home on a Monday night watching his beloved Vikings stink it up, mount a comeback, allow a TD to Shonn Green(mixed emotions there, excited about fantasy points, sad about the real point deficit, and also some confusion as to why Shonn's name is spelled in that fashion... were the parents too dumb to know how Shonn should be spelled, or just being creative?), then have the 'ol gunslinger do what he does best. That kind of stuff sucks, kind of like enjoying a concert & night out on the town only to get jumped by a bunch of black dudes as you're walking back to the car. Let this be the lesson we should all learn. It is never a good idea to solicit yourself (if you're a dude) as a prostitute, especially to heterosexual black dudes in the ally ways of downtown Las Vegas. You're welcome.
Tony beat down Henderson's finest by more than 74 points. This is akin to Tony playing baseball against a 5 year old, going yard, then relentlessly talking trash by saying things like "You suck! That was the biggest freaking meatball I've seen since I went to Bucca de Beppo, and the biggest one your mom has seen since... Seriously, you're five? You throw like a 3 year old girl!" It's a 5 year old for crying out loud, there is no need. The same is true for the schlacking you gave CJ. There's a reason why there's a ten run mercy rule in T-ball & softball. I guess congrats are in order for setting a world record in points and for making the rest of the league want to give up on life and contemplate suicide. Life freaking sucks! I will say however, that if you can go through the year undefeated then you should win the entire pot of money.
The second blow-out came from Katie who crushed Joyce. This mock of a competition showed us that Katie is no fluke and she has no mercy either. This match-up was like Michael Phelps vs. the Ethiopians in the pool. Not such a good idea if your the Ethiopians. Actually it's more like Joyce is representing the special olympics and Katie is the ruthless Chinese monsters that eat handicap people for breakfast and train against them to build up their confidence. Katie is super confident now. She's so confident she may end up pregnant like Mariselle soon.
The third spanking came when I found myself up against Leo. I went in with high expectations but left a non-lovable loser (notice who the non-lovable loser was in that pic) for the 5th time in a row. I'm like the retarded kid that gets put in right field on the "coach pitch" little league team. I'm so bad that the coach under hands a rubber ball for me, but that's still too tough. Maybe one day I'll get a win.
The last two match-ups are the type we all love to be a part of only if we win.
This weeks battle of the Israeli born Jew vs. the American Jew was more exciting than a Rodney King riot. After feeling pretty confident that a victory was sealed, Brett Favre threw a pick six enabling Alan's Jet's defense to pick up an extra 8 points and a victory was sealed. The Black Mamba became Alan's "black mama" and Monday's will never be the same again! I'd like to be done with this one and move on but the victory was so sweet and the loss so bitter that it needs this clip incorporated somehow. Or this one. Those clips epitomize what it's like to be so close to scoring and then Bam! You get kicked in the balls and you're forever embarrassed.
Finally, the Boser mounted come back that fell just short. Gregg is usually the one that is used to coming up short, but that is not the case this year. After feeling slightly guilty for leaving us to another bank and getting slaughtered by Joyce, he puffed up his chest, showed off his hairy arms and enjoyed the new bank with a much relaxed dress code to lead his team to victory. Poor Boser needed less than one point to complete the comeback but was unable to do so. I can only imagine what it was like for Boser. Home on a Monday night watching his beloved Vikings stink it up, mount a comeback, allow a TD to Shonn Green(mixed emotions there, excited about fantasy points, sad about the real point deficit, and also some confusion as to why Shonn's name is spelled in that fashion... were the parents too dumb to know how Shonn should be spelled, or just being creative?), then have the 'ol gunslinger do what he does best. That kind of stuff sucks, kind of like enjoying a concert & night out on the town only to get jumped by a bunch of black dudes as you're walking back to the car. Let this be the lesson we should all learn. It is never a good idea to solicit yourself (if you're a dude) as a prostitute, especially to heterosexual black dudes in the ally ways of downtown Las Vegas. You're welcome.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A few firsts and a last
I hope you all enjoyed my week off. I know I did. Those of you closet readers can thank people like Tony for encouraging me to blog. Despite the fact I picked his team to lose last week, Tony still enjoys the bits of praise thrown in his direction as it boosts his already elevated self-esteem.
We're already talking about Tony so we might as well start off with the wine-bibber (this was Tony pre-bald days) vs. the Iranian Pedofile game which was quite intense; however Boser was unable to fight his way to victory. Sweet justice may have been served as the dog-killer (Vick) got smashed and ruined Boser's chances at victory. It was as if Vick was back in prison where they've changed the saying "When in Rome..." to "If you want to have an orgy, have an orgy!" At least it seems like it felt that way with his ribs being all jacked up. That's the type of party Boser likes best. You got to give Tony some mad props however. He picks a russian QB playing for his beloved Raiders and he gets 23.5 points from it. Either he was drunk from the wine, or he's very sneaky with his moves. I'm thinking it's a little bit of both.
Katie the clockmaker has definitely begun changing her ways. First of all, she doesn't talk as much as the leasing guy. Second she has as many victories this year as she had all of last year. (That may not be totally true, but who really cares.) I'm sure Katie was shaking in her boots when facing the scary gardner snake in week 4. Being that these first few games from Mr. Mamba are a sign of things to come, it should come as no surprise if the snake-handler is left all alone with a sticky mess to clean up. Thankfully this isn't a keeper league so he doesn't have to worry about having the same crappy team next year. The bright side is he has 1 more victory than some other losers in this league (i.e. yours truly).
Leo lucked out this week by playing the "lackadasical warriors." Turns out the warriors were too busy covering their bald spots & learning how to operate microsoft word. All this work was so overwhelming that the Rainbow Warriors didn't make any changes to the lineup which left vacancies in the kicker, not to mention that Alan has more people on the injured / inactive list than anyone in America. This league is quickly turning into a "Haves" & "Have Nots" league. It's quite obvious that both people in this matchup are part of the "Have Nots". Because I'm a nice guy, I'll offer some advice to people like Alan. 1) The internet is now on computers. 2) Look into AARP discounts. 3) Get your oil checked(no, not your car).
Red Light Secret got treated like a dirty little whore trying to play the game but got beat up by his pimp and kicked in the gut. Instead of getting a nice pay day with the 3rd highest point total of the week, Josh got slapped around like a little b, or like he stole something (use whichever analogy you prefer). Either way, Josh's family continues to be embarrassed. When he arrives home from work they immediately place a paper bag over his head and they feed him his food from a dog bowl. Everynow and then Josh gets fed up with it and puts a smackdown on this rambunxious behavior. CJ (Erica's husband) continues to impress us. Despite his love for the Rams, and the fact that he still wears t-shirts from high school, he's turning into a contender.
The title of this blog is a few first and a last. Allow me to elaborate on this... This is the first time I've been in last place in fantasy football. This is the first time Boser didn't promise that an LP would be complete when in reality it was no where near completion. This is the first time in a long time that the clockmaker got out clocked by the leasing guy. And this is the first blog that will be written without the GG being a BON employee. We took an informal, unscientific pole around the city about how intelligent your decision was to change banks. The consensus was that you made a dumb move. Most of us were thrilled to not have to work with Zylka anymore... you liked it so much you moved primarily because of the opportunity to work with him & Call again. If fantasy football is that important to you, then maybe you should take over commissioner duties and recruit Zylka & Call to be in your league. This way there will be no shortage of sarcasm and stupid things said. So I guess this is the last time that we can all dick around the office looking at your IPhone laughing at this stupid blog. Oh well... maybe your replacment will have an IPhone.
Your farewell tour began with a bang as Joyce mopped the floor with your ever increasing in size A** and then kicked you in the crotchal region for good measure. Just think, you were so close to declaring yourself a league champion 8 days ago, now you're grouped in the bunch of losers in more ways than one. (In case you weren't clear what the ways are, I'll spell it out for you... 1) You're record is 2-2 and soon to be 2-3. 2) You work for one of the most undesireable banks in Las Vegas. 3) Your daughter is a spitting image of Godzilla. 4) Your neck is disappearing. (No hard feelings.)
We're already talking about Tony so we might as well start off with the wine-bibber (this was Tony pre-bald days) vs. the Iranian Pedofile game which was quite intense; however Boser was unable to fight his way to victory. Sweet justice may have been served as the dog-killer (Vick) got smashed and ruined Boser's chances at victory. It was as if Vick was back in prison where they've changed the saying "When in Rome..." to "If you want to have an orgy, have an orgy!" At least it seems like it felt that way with his ribs being all jacked up. That's the type of party Boser likes best. You got to give Tony some mad props however. He picks a russian QB playing for his beloved Raiders and he gets 23.5 points from it. Either he was drunk from the wine, or he's very sneaky with his moves. I'm thinking it's a little bit of both.
Katie the clockmaker has definitely begun changing her ways. First of all, she doesn't talk as much as the leasing guy. Second she has as many victories this year as she had all of last year. (That may not be totally true, but who really cares.) I'm sure Katie was shaking in her boots when facing the scary gardner snake in week 4. Being that these first few games from Mr. Mamba are a sign of things to come, it should come as no surprise if the snake-handler is left all alone with a sticky mess to clean up. Thankfully this isn't a keeper league so he doesn't have to worry about having the same crappy team next year. The bright side is he has 1 more victory than some other losers in this league (i.e. yours truly).
Leo lucked out this week by playing the "lackadasical warriors." Turns out the warriors were too busy covering their bald spots & learning how to operate microsoft word. All this work was so overwhelming that the Rainbow Warriors didn't make any changes to the lineup which left vacancies in the kicker, not to mention that Alan has more people on the injured / inactive list than anyone in America. This league is quickly turning into a "Haves" & "Have Nots" league. It's quite obvious that both people in this matchup are part of the "Have Nots". Because I'm a nice guy, I'll offer some advice to people like Alan. 1) The internet is now on computers. 2) Look into AARP discounts. 3) Get your oil checked(no, not your car).
Red Light Secret got treated like a dirty little whore trying to play the game but got beat up by his pimp and kicked in the gut. Instead of getting a nice pay day with the 3rd highest point total of the week, Josh got slapped around like a little b, or like he stole something (use whichever analogy you prefer). Either way, Josh's family continues to be embarrassed. When he arrives home from work they immediately place a paper bag over his head and they feed him his food from a dog bowl. Everynow and then Josh gets fed up with it and puts a smackdown on this rambunxious behavior. CJ (Erica's husband) continues to impress us. Despite his love for the Rams, and the fact that he still wears t-shirts from high school, he's turning into a contender.
The title of this blog is a few first and a last. Allow me to elaborate on this... This is the first time I've been in last place in fantasy football. This is the first time Boser didn't promise that an LP would be complete when in reality it was no where near completion. This is the first time in a long time that the clockmaker got out clocked by the leasing guy. And this is the first blog that will be written without the GG being a BON employee. We took an informal, unscientific pole around the city about how intelligent your decision was to change banks. The consensus was that you made a dumb move. Most of us were thrilled to not have to work with Zylka anymore... you liked it so much you moved primarily because of the opportunity to work with him & Call again. If fantasy football is that important to you, then maybe you should take over commissioner duties and recruit Zylka & Call to be in your league. This way there will be no shortage of sarcasm and stupid things said. So I guess this is the last time that we can all dick around the office looking at your IPhone laughing at this stupid blog. Oh well... maybe your replacment will have an IPhone.
Your farewell tour began with a bang as Joyce mopped the floor with your ever increasing in size A** and then kicked you in the crotchal region for good measure. Just think, you were so close to declaring yourself a league champion 8 days ago, now you're grouped in the bunch of losers in more ways than one. (In case you weren't clear what the ways are, I'll spell it out for you... 1) You're record is 2-2 and soon to be 2-3. 2) You work for one of the most undesireable banks in Las Vegas. 3) Your daughter is a spitting image of Godzilla. 4) Your neck is disappearing. (No hard feelings.)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Short but not so sweet
Here's the deal... I'm not that creative and can't continue to come up with new and creative insults week in and week out for 3 years running. Because I try to be crass, yet not too crude it's difficult. Because of that, I'm going to reduce the commentary to a line or two about each game. If you don't like it, then you can start paying me a blogger fee and I'll improve on the insults.
Let's start with loser #1 - Josh & his Red Light Secret. Turns out it wasn't a red light secret, more like a blue light special for a discount on fantasy points. This beat down was so bad that Renae has left Josh for a small penised Asian man. Good luck taking care of her GG. On a serious note, you deserve all the credit for your victory and for being #1 in the league.
Joyce quickly met all of our expectations by falling asleep at the wheel. She probably figured that since she was up against a wine connosier that she would beat him at his own game. So Friday night she got the nicest box of wine 7-11 had and started drinking. Apparently it got so bad that she forgot that Ryan Grant was out for the season and Brett Favre sucks this year. Don't worry though Joyce, Tony didn't make all the right moves either as his bench had more points than your whole team.
It's nice to see that even fat Iranian pedophiles can win every now and then. Like Whitney Houston, Boser believes the children are the future so he lets them laugh and shows them the beauty they possess inside. What a sicko. Turns out that Alan's CPU is still infected with a gay roman porn virus which is partially why he has 3 inactive players on his team including 1 in the starting lineup. The best part is that Alan picked his team, not the CPU. I'm sure this is all part of his strategy, which makes perfect sense. Pretend you're an idiot, fall way behind in the standings, and then BAM!, you miss the playoffs.
Black Mamba found its bite and got a mouthful of Leo. That paints a pretty picture in your head.
Finally, the clockmaker herself, Katie, orchestrated the highest point total of the week. To be honest, I'm very disappointed with Katie as of late for the following reasons: 1) Her caveman husband discovered fire and burnt his beard off making him look like a normal man. 2) The long winded, never ending stories seemed to have disappeared. 3) She's stepped up to the plate and taken on a portfolio. Way to go Katie. Before I give the caveman too much credit, it should be noted that he's a parkour guy, and likes to make love to apes. Gross, but that's how he rolls.
Let's start with loser #1 - Josh & his Red Light Secret. Turns out it wasn't a red light secret, more like a blue light special for a discount on fantasy points. This beat down was so bad that Renae has left Josh for a small penised Asian man. Good luck taking care of her GG. On a serious note, you deserve all the credit for your victory and for being #1 in the league.
Joyce quickly met all of our expectations by falling asleep at the wheel. She probably figured that since she was up against a wine connosier that she would beat him at his own game. So Friday night she got the nicest box of wine 7-11 had and started drinking. Apparently it got so bad that she forgot that Ryan Grant was out for the season and Brett Favre sucks this year. Don't worry though Joyce, Tony didn't make all the right moves either as his bench had more points than your whole team.
It's nice to see that even fat Iranian pedophiles can win every now and then. Like Whitney Houston, Boser believes the children are the future so he lets them laugh and shows them the beauty they possess inside. What a sicko. Turns out that Alan's CPU is still infected with a gay roman porn virus which is partially why he has 3 inactive players on his team including 1 in the starting lineup. The best part is that Alan picked his team, not the CPU. I'm sure this is all part of his strategy, which makes perfect sense. Pretend you're an idiot, fall way behind in the standings, and then BAM!, you miss the playoffs.
Black Mamba found its bite and got a mouthful of Leo. That paints a pretty picture in your head.
Finally, the clockmaker herself, Katie, orchestrated the highest point total of the week. To be honest, I'm very disappointed with Katie as of late for the following reasons: 1) Her caveman husband discovered fire and burnt his beard off making him look like a normal man. 2) The long winded, never ending stories seemed to have disappeared. 3) She's stepped up to the plate and taken on a portfolio. Way to go Katie. Before I give the caveman too much credit, it should be noted that he's a parkour guy, and likes to make love to apes. Gross, but that's how he rolls.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The insults remain the same
Very few of you should be proud of what just transpired this past week. As far as fantasy football leagues are concerned, this was embarrassing. It's like a boys team losing to the girls. It's like Gregg crapping his pants while fielding a grounder at second base. It's like Boser saying he'll have a write-up done on Monday and it not being done until the following Monday.
Tony kicked everybody's A** in what will most likely be a preview of things to come. This is just like him too. I put up the 3rd most points of the week and still get beat down like my red headed wife did when she was a stepchild. Whatever special kool-aid Tony is drinking, we may need to invest in some of those bottles so we can purify our picks and be more like Tony (at least as far as fantasy football is concerned.)
The Asian Underground surprised even himself by scoring more than 100 points. A feat that was seldomly accomplished last year. What wasn't surprising was that Alan's team sucked. I have an idea, why don't you play a running back that's on the injured list and plays for the Raiders. Since you like having injured guys on your roster... I hear that Ryan Grant (out for the season) is available. Try picking him up on the waiver wire. The best part is the weak excuse you gave up..."My computer has a virus." You sound like your gay 15 your old son explaining why he couldn't do his write-up on the Ancient Roman's. Turns out he could've done it, but he got so turned on by those Roman's that he lost his concentration, downloaded too much Gay-Roman porn and now your computer has a virus. Think of the positive... now your wife and son have something to do together.
The Iranian Pedofile (That's Boser) embarrassed arabs everywhere by exposing his weakness in week 1. No staying power! It was almost as if he was walking to his car from a rap concert when all of a sudden Katie and her black homies lynched him like it was reverse racism in the 60's. All Boser could do was cover his head in shame while screaming for his mommy. Good thing it was just Katie punching him rather than Tony. This was one of those "lucky for Katie moments". She was lucky she was facing Mahmud Ahmadinejad and not the USA, or even Israel for that matter. One final comment... David we invited you to this league because we thought you were a cool guy. While it's fun to beat an opponent in fantasy football, it's not so much fun when it's a train wreck. Please do all of us a favor and man-up next week.
The Black Mamba got off to an exciting start by losing to Henderson's finest. It seems the mamba's bark was much louder than its bite (please see the gardner snake reference from last year). If this was the warning message you were sending in week 1 by losing to a team that had 2 victories all of last year... you're message has been heard and it sounds like this: "Even though I'm an Israeli, my fantasy football team is made up of a bunch of Palestinians."
Finally, Joyce pulled Leo's pants down and spanked him like a naughty little boy(which explains all of the bruises on her hand!). Who's your daddy Leo? Joyce is!
As far as the last man standing competition is concerned... Thanks to 4 of your for bowing out in week #1. I invite you to join back in for $20, but totally understand why you wouldn't. One last comment about this competition... It's a good thing that Sam isn't an analyst. His skills told him that picking the 49ers to win was a good idea. Turns out that was one of the most lopsided losses he could've picked. My advice to the rest of us, ask Sam his opinion and go the other way. I was going to embed the spreadsheet in this blog, but it's too late to figure that out right now. If you really want to know, email me and I'll forward you a copy.
Tony kicked everybody's A** in what will most likely be a preview of things to come. This is just like him too. I put up the 3rd most points of the week and still get beat down like my red headed wife did when she was a stepchild. Whatever special kool-aid Tony is drinking, we may need to invest in some of those bottles so we can purify our picks and be more like Tony (at least as far as fantasy football is concerned.)
The Asian Underground surprised even himself by scoring more than 100 points. A feat that was seldomly accomplished last year. What wasn't surprising was that Alan's team sucked. I have an idea, why don't you play a running back that's on the injured list and plays for the Raiders. Since you like having injured guys on your roster... I hear that Ryan Grant (out for the season) is available. Try picking him up on the waiver wire. The best part is the weak excuse you gave up..."My computer has a virus." You sound like your gay 15 your old son explaining why he couldn't do his write-up on the Ancient Roman's. Turns out he could've done it, but he got so turned on by those Roman's that he lost his concentration, downloaded too much Gay-Roman porn and now your computer has a virus. Think of the positive... now your wife and son have something to do together.
The Iranian Pedofile (That's Boser) embarrassed arabs everywhere by exposing his weakness in week 1. No staying power! It was almost as if he was walking to his car from a rap concert when all of a sudden Katie and her black homies lynched him like it was reverse racism in the 60's. All Boser could do was cover his head in shame while screaming for his mommy. Good thing it was just Katie punching him rather than Tony. This was one of those "lucky for Katie moments". She was lucky she was facing Mahmud Ahmadinejad and not the USA, or even Israel for that matter. One final comment... David we invited you to this league because we thought you were a cool guy. While it's fun to beat an opponent in fantasy football, it's not so much fun when it's a train wreck. Please do all of us a favor and man-up next week.
The Black Mamba got off to an exciting start by losing to Henderson's finest. It seems the mamba's bark was much louder than its bite (please see the gardner snake reference from last year). If this was the warning message you were sending in week 1 by losing to a team that had 2 victories all of last year... you're message has been heard and it sounds like this: "Even though I'm an Israeli, my fantasy football team is made up of a bunch of Palestinians."
Finally, Joyce pulled Leo's pants down and spanked him like a naughty little boy(which explains all of the bruises on her hand!). Who's your daddy Leo? Joyce is!
As far as the last man standing competition is concerned... Thanks to 4 of your for bowing out in week #1. I invite you to join back in for $20, but totally understand why you wouldn't. One last comment about this competition... It's a good thing that Sam isn't an analyst. His skills told him that picking the 49ers to win was a good idea. Turns out that was one of the most lopsided losses he could've picked. My advice to the rest of us, ask Sam his opinion and go the other way. I was going to embed the spreadsheet in this blog, but it's too late to figure that out right now. If you really want to know, email me and I'll forward you a copy.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
That's all she wrote for the year
This will be the last official blog I post. Now that the regular season is over and the those that are not in the playoffs are done, there is little motivation to keep writing. The truth is the blog is written primarily for the amusement of Señor Sarcasm and to keep Katie laughing / on her toes. Another reason why this site sucks is due to the fact that those that are in the playoffs are outed. At least you could keep playing in hopes of not finishing dead last like the Japanese Turd did. Oh well... we tried something new and realized it sucked hard. Next year we'll move on to Yahoo.
There was an interesting trend that happened last week. The 4 teams in the playoffs all scored more than 100 points. I guess there's a reason why they are playoff teams and the rest of you are not (with the exception of Señor Sarcasm. You were only kept from the playoffs because the fantasy football gods find your pouting amusing. The "it's not fair" comments make them laugh much to hard to give in and let you win.) Had the divisions been split up differently then Alan definitely would not be in the playoffs but I guess that's life. Right? Life isn't fair and anybody who thinks it should be fair is stupid. That's right Katie, I said it. Life shouldn't be fair and you're stupid if you think it should be.
Let me give you an example... most ladies scream for this equal rights thing and want equal pay and that glass ceiling thing to be removed, but when it's time to change the water on the water dispenser who do you call? That's right... a man. I could come up with more examples, but I don't want to get kicked in the balls first thing in the morning.
On to the meaningless matchups. (Before I do that, I was challenged last week to try to be funny and kind. I'll give that a whirl, if it doesn't work, just know it was Tony's stupid idea.)
First we had the laughing stock team of the league against the sexiest owner of the league (no offense Katie, Bo, Erica & Alan). In non-surpising fashion Gregg laid an egg, had the fewest points in the league for the week, and had he played the right players as recommended by CBSSports.com he wouldn't have lost. But that's double G for ya. His glory continues to live in the past. He used to be a good baseball player, but now he gets struck out by a 10 year kid. He can't even catch candy thrown right to him. (Basically he's like a woman.) Now you'll hear the comment, "I won the league last year." Big freaking whoop! You're like President Obama's approval rating. Just because it used to be good doesn't mean it is anymore. As for Joyce, you weren't all that bad. Had your life not been so hectic early on in the season you might've been able to do a little more. If I recall correctly you had some bonehead moves that ended up biting you in the booty. That's life I guess.
The second meaningless matchup was between Leo's Spelling champs and weak comebacks (however your email today was funny) and the worst team of the league statistically speaking. In 6-8 fashion Leo came up short just like in life (whether in the bedroom or in fantasy football). As for Erica's team (who still hasn't read this blog)... Thanks for playing. It was a real pleasure having you in the league. We all sincerely hope you continue to play next year because we love playing against you. The only request we have is that you change your team name to "the self-esteem booster". I think you made the fewest moves in the league and it showed by the fact that your team sucked from day one.
Finally, meaningless matchup number 3 was between the buckless broncos and a band from the 80's. Is it really surprising to anyone that the 3 loserville games all had the 3 lowest combined scores? It shouldn't be! Poor Keler's team got beat up by poor management early on, auto-draft gone bad, and then just not being very smart. Bo put forth a helluva an effort but it wasn't enough either. (I just noticed that I haven't been very nice yet... I'll try that now). The best part about both of these competitors is that they had a "can do" attitude and a spirit that lived on despite there ineptitude. (Read that again with a sarcastic tone and you'll realize that being nice isn't one of my strong points.)
OK... on to the important games.
Katie, you got owned. You got beat down like you stole something. What may have helped is if you weren't out until the wee early morning hours on Saturday taking in some old Vietnam drugs (Agent Orange), and then partying all over again with some gay english band (Muse) later on. You need to realize that your real passion in life is not music, but fantasy football. If music were your thing then you'd be singing more in our meetings, or using your pen as a drum, mix in a little air guitar on the side. Since you don't do any of those things, its obvious that you are a closet singer which leads us all to wonder what else you have in your closet. Some educated guesses have been the following: You're a closet cave-woman. You are a lesbian. You are Ken's secret lover. And finally you are in love with Alan's bald spot. The 4th guess is probably the closest to reality which is why your team laid an egg this past week. You would rather have Alan win then you because of your fierce love for him and his ever growing bald spot. (I think the spot is actually getting bigger the longe rhis hair gets). Alan did a good job covering up his weaknesses this past week, but one can only wonder how long it will be until it is discovered that not only does Alan have a massive / growing bald spot on his head, but that his team really isn't that good to begin with. Only time will tell until his weaknesses are discovered.
If I would have said that Kurt Warner will only put up 1 point this week, yet Doron would beat Señor Sarcasm and have the highest point total of the week you would've thought I was crazy. Truth be known, I didn't say that, so I'm not crazy, but it did happen, so maybe I am crazy after all. Zylka finally put in the right QB, but it was the need for a better recieving corp that hurt him this time. I'm not sure how the previous weeks would've been, but at least for this week, Leo's failed trade with Zylka wouldn't have helped him at all. I'm sure we'll all get some kind of "wannabe" guilt inducing email later on telling us how he would've been special had that trade gone through, but the real email should come out stating that had Señor Sarcasm not taunted the Mamba then the trade most likely would have gone through anyway. We call that "not waking a sleepy bear." No, Doron isn't a bear, but his mama bear-esq response to your taunting email created a wave of response that was sufficient to squash your deal. Had no email been sent, he most likely would have forgotten about the trade, or at least not had the motivation to kill the deal. Democracy is a bitch (I think that's an official term), especially when rallied against your own cause.
Finally we come to what will inevitably be one of the league champions. The puppy store vs. the porn peddler. Despite my victory, the porn peddler pointed out that the victory really came down to one play. Because I won I won't go into details. Truth be known, I would have rather lost because the chances of beating an opponent 3 times in a row is slim. I wish I had something funny to write or insulting or kind, but it's late and I don't care anymore.
Thanks for reading and for your suggestions. Most of all thanks for laughing and encouraging me to keep clowning on the league. I hope Zylka gets over his pout-fest and joins us again next year. If he doesn't, then we'll just have to find some other whiny, sarcastic, little girl to fill his shoes.
There was an interesting trend that happened last week. The 4 teams in the playoffs all scored more than 100 points. I guess there's a reason why they are playoff teams and the rest of you are not (with the exception of Señor Sarcasm. You were only kept from the playoffs because the fantasy football gods find your pouting amusing. The "it's not fair" comments make them laugh much to hard to give in and let you win.) Had the divisions been split up differently then Alan definitely would not be in the playoffs but I guess that's life. Right? Life isn't fair and anybody who thinks it should be fair is stupid. That's right Katie, I said it. Life shouldn't be fair and you're stupid if you think it should be.
Let me give you an example... most ladies scream for this equal rights thing and want equal pay and that glass ceiling thing to be removed, but when it's time to change the water on the water dispenser who do you call? That's right... a man. I could come up with more examples, but I don't want to get kicked in the balls first thing in the morning.
On to the meaningless matchups. (Before I do that, I was challenged last week to try to be funny and kind. I'll give that a whirl, if it doesn't work, just know it was Tony's stupid idea.)
First we had the laughing stock team of the league against the sexiest owner of the league (no offense Katie, Bo, Erica & Alan). In non-surpising fashion Gregg laid an egg, had the fewest points in the league for the week, and had he played the right players as recommended by CBSSports.com he wouldn't have lost. But that's double G for ya. His glory continues to live in the past. He used to be a good baseball player, but now he gets struck out by a 10 year kid. He can't even catch candy thrown right to him. (Basically he's like a woman.) Now you'll hear the comment, "I won the league last year." Big freaking whoop! You're like President Obama's approval rating. Just because it used to be good doesn't mean it is anymore. As for Joyce, you weren't all that bad. Had your life not been so hectic early on in the season you might've been able to do a little more. If I recall correctly you had some bonehead moves that ended up biting you in the booty. That's life I guess.
The second meaningless matchup was between Leo's Spelling champs and weak comebacks (however your email today was funny) and the worst team of the league statistically speaking. In 6-8 fashion Leo came up short just like in life (whether in the bedroom or in fantasy football). As for Erica's team (who still hasn't read this blog)... Thanks for playing. It was a real pleasure having you in the league. We all sincerely hope you continue to play next year because we love playing against you. The only request we have is that you change your team name to "the self-esteem booster". I think you made the fewest moves in the league and it showed by the fact that your team sucked from day one.
Finally, meaningless matchup number 3 was between the buckless broncos and a band from the 80's. Is it really surprising to anyone that the 3 loserville games all had the 3 lowest combined scores? It shouldn't be! Poor Keler's team got beat up by poor management early on, auto-draft gone bad, and then just not being very smart. Bo put forth a helluva an effort but it wasn't enough either. (I just noticed that I haven't been very nice yet... I'll try that now). The best part about both of these competitors is that they had a "can do" attitude and a spirit that lived on despite there ineptitude. (Read that again with a sarcastic tone and you'll realize that being nice isn't one of my strong points.)
OK... on to the important games.
Katie, you got owned. You got beat down like you stole something. What may have helped is if you weren't out until the wee early morning hours on Saturday taking in some old Vietnam drugs (Agent Orange), and then partying all over again with some gay english band (Muse) later on. You need to realize that your real passion in life is not music, but fantasy football. If music were your thing then you'd be singing more in our meetings, or using your pen as a drum, mix in a little air guitar on the side. Since you don't do any of those things, its obvious that you are a closet singer which leads us all to wonder what else you have in your closet. Some educated guesses have been the following: You're a closet cave-woman. You are a lesbian. You are Ken's secret lover. And finally you are in love with Alan's bald spot. The 4th guess is probably the closest to reality which is why your team laid an egg this past week. You would rather have Alan win then you because of your fierce love for him and his ever growing bald spot. (I think the spot is actually getting bigger the longe rhis hair gets). Alan did a good job covering up his weaknesses this past week, but one can only wonder how long it will be until it is discovered that not only does Alan have a massive / growing bald spot on his head, but that his team really isn't that good to begin with. Only time will tell until his weaknesses are discovered.
If I would have said that Kurt Warner will only put up 1 point this week, yet Doron would beat Señor Sarcasm and have the highest point total of the week you would've thought I was crazy. Truth be known, I didn't say that, so I'm not crazy, but it did happen, so maybe I am crazy after all. Zylka finally put in the right QB, but it was the need for a better recieving corp that hurt him this time. I'm not sure how the previous weeks would've been, but at least for this week, Leo's failed trade with Zylka wouldn't have helped him at all. I'm sure we'll all get some kind of "wannabe" guilt inducing email later on telling us how he would've been special had that trade gone through, but the real email should come out stating that had Señor Sarcasm not taunted the Mamba then the trade most likely would have gone through anyway. We call that "not waking a sleepy bear." No, Doron isn't a bear, but his mama bear-esq response to your taunting email created a wave of response that was sufficient to squash your deal. Had no email been sent, he most likely would have forgotten about the trade, or at least not had the motivation to kill the deal. Democracy is a bitch (I think that's an official term), especially when rallied against your own cause.
Finally we come to what will inevitably be one of the league champions. The puppy store vs. the porn peddler. Despite my victory, the porn peddler pointed out that the victory really came down to one play. Because I won I won't go into details. Truth be known, I would have rather lost because the chances of beating an opponent 3 times in a row is slim. I wish I had something funny to write or insulting or kind, but it's late and I don't care anymore.
Thanks for reading and for your suggestions. Most of all thanks for laughing and encouraging me to keep clowning on the league. I hope Zylka gets over his pout-fest and joins us again next year. If he doesn't, then we'll just have to find some other whiny, sarcastic, little girl to fill his shoes.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Win and you're in
I'm not sure if you guys realize this or not, but that Tiger Woods dude is having a bad week. Do you realize how smoking hot his wife is? Seriously. She's a former bikini model! I'm sure that pancake chick was totally worth it. Apparently she's claiming you ordered a tall stack but only had a short stack with some silver dollar pancakes... For what it's worth here's my advice, Stick to what you're good at... golf. Get out of the player game. It's obviously not working for you.
Now on to serious matters. Fantasy football and the fact that the whack-jobs at CBSsports.com were able to do one thing right this season and that is magically pre-arrange the final week so that the division leaders would all square off with in a winner take-all kind of game. Before we go any further I want to congratulate 8 of the 12 teams in the league for having a record of .500 or worse (LOSERS!). It's quite pathetic that in a league of 12 teams that 66% of you suck more than you don't suck. What I mean is if your team isn't a puppy store, snake related, porn related (excluding "Barely Legal") or complaining about life not being fair, then your team sucks about as bad as the site that was used and additionally you suck too. You are a bad manager of fantasy football talent and you're probably a bad parent as well, or you would be a bad parent if you had kids. Two of the worst teams compiled and managed were Gregg & Erica. We know that Gregg is a bad parent because of numerous examples of him not paying attention and his daughter barely escaping death. One example is when we went to the batting cages 18 months ago (when Gregg couldn't catch up to the 70 mph balls) and in one of his many careless moments he allowed his daughter to run off while Adrianne was smoking some heat. His daughter ran into a neighboring batting cage where a Filipino dude almost knocked her out of the park. Thankfully the Filipinos have a little respect for the Japanese and her life was spared. Erica's parenting skills will not come into question as proof that I can learn from my mistakes and will not call anyone a bad mother again (those are some nasty stretch marks! Hey Katie, when are you going to start having kids?).
Speaking of Japanese... Gregg's loss is revenge for Pearl Harbor. Katie was able to get enough of her patriotic juice going to make sure America remained great. Katie is having a good week. Let me list the ways in which this week is working out well for her: 1) She beat Gregg handedly. 2) She bought her precious concert tickets to Muse and it only cost $200 for 2 tickets. I'm so glad that you recently fell in love with a band that has been around for 15 years! It's good to know that you're not psycho or anything or totally obsessive at the drop of a dime or 2,000 dimes in this case. 3) Katie realized that Craigslist is a great way to meet new people. Turns out this guy that sold the tickets is quite the charmer. I think he also gives massages. Maybe Katie will sign up for one of those. That wouldn't be creepy at all or anything. Ask him if he babysits. Seriously though... since Craigslist is such a great meeting place maybe you could put an add up that says something like this, "Very talkative woman seeking a more sophisticated husband that will enjoy rocking out with me to the likes of Muse, Rancid, Aquabats and They Might be Giants. Good ears requested and an attention span longer than 2 minutes a plus. Call me for a good time or for information on devil worshipping and on how to groom a caveman's junk." Anyway, back to the game and the fact that in typical Gregg fashion he puked all over himself and stuttered with his piss poor ability to pick a decent lineup. It's sad to think that this same guy won the league last year. What has happened to you Gregg?
Next we move on to this week's Silva award winner for being asleep at the wheel. Congratulations Doron for completely spacing fantasy football this week and not realizing that Kurt Warner was playing, Desean Jackson was injured, and that John Carney was let go and rehired as a "Carney" in Small Town, USA. Erica manages to put up her second highest point total of the year which shouldn't have been enough had you properly managed. Lucky for you Zylka pouted his way to a loss also, so now you have the opportunity to battle it out for a winner take all scenario with Señor Sarcasm himself.
Since we just mentioned Señor Sarcasm, we might as well talk about the egg he just laid. In classic Zylka fashion he again picked the wrong quarterback. It's a good thing you're not a gm because if you were you're team would be full of Ryan Leaf's and Jamarcus Russel's. I can't ride you too hard however... it was one of those weeks when your players just let you down. It was nice of Leo to not lay down like a Frenchman and take his licks put instead to fight it out for a possible .500 record and a little bit of pride.
In a surprise (at least surprising to me) upset, Alan took his hand off his crotch and put in a good enough lineup to beat the all powerful Joyce. Joyce had emerged as a contender in the loser division when she took Doron's best players in a trade he proposed. Her rally fell short however as she gets beat by a man, again. Her playoff hopes were dashed just like my kids Christmas hopes are on Christmas eve when I get sloppy drunk, walk around the house naked and tell them that there is no Santa Claus and piss all over the Christmas tree until I ultimately pass out only to wake up and start all over again. Ahhh... good times. Anyone want to see the photos?
Only because they like to read there names will the last two games be talked about. Keler, not quite sure what you were thinking by not starting Mr. Boldin of the Cardinals but I'm very sure as to what you were saying at halftime when he had already had 2 touchdowns and almost a hundred yards receiving. You got beat soundly by an old man who was seeking revenge from an early season loss. Vengence was his and he liked it.
Finally, I just barely had enough in the gas tank to outlast Bo in a squeaker, 105 - 103. It's tough to lose when you have over a 100 points, but the silver lining is that this victory sealed my playoff fate when both mamba and sarcasm lost. So thanks to you Bo for putting up a good fight but ultimately not a good enough fight.
In conclusion, this, the final week of the regular season brings much drama. The Mamba faces the one and only Señor Sarcasm. Katie and her new friends from Craigslist (that may one day replace the caveman and the devil) go against the soft porn king of LV, Alan. The other divisional match up of note pits the two best teams in the league in a possible Super Bowl preview. For those two dumb to know who those two teams are, it's the Puppy Store and Mr. Long & Loud & First with a freshly shaved mug.
Now on to serious matters. Fantasy football and the fact that the whack-jobs at CBSsports.com were able to do one thing right this season and that is magically pre-arrange the final week so that the division leaders would all square off with in a winner take-all kind of game. Before we go any further I want to congratulate 8 of the 12 teams in the league for having a record of .500 or worse (LOSERS!). It's quite pathetic that in a league of 12 teams that 66% of you suck more than you don't suck. What I mean is if your team isn't a puppy store, snake related, porn related (excluding "Barely Legal") or complaining about life not being fair, then your team sucks about as bad as the site that was used and additionally you suck too. You are a bad manager of fantasy football talent and you're probably a bad parent as well, or you would be a bad parent if you had kids. Two of the worst teams compiled and managed were Gregg & Erica. We know that Gregg is a bad parent because of numerous examples of him not paying attention and his daughter barely escaping death. One example is when we went to the batting cages 18 months ago (when Gregg couldn't catch up to the 70 mph balls) and in one of his many careless moments he allowed his daughter to run off while Adrianne was smoking some heat. His daughter ran into a neighboring batting cage where a Filipino dude almost knocked her out of the park. Thankfully the Filipinos have a little respect for the Japanese and her life was spared. Erica's parenting skills will not come into question as proof that I can learn from my mistakes and will not call anyone a bad mother again (those are some nasty stretch marks! Hey Katie, when are you going to start having kids?).
Speaking of Japanese... Gregg's loss is revenge for Pearl Harbor. Katie was able to get enough of her patriotic juice going to make sure America remained great. Katie is having a good week. Let me list the ways in which this week is working out well for her: 1) She beat Gregg handedly. 2) She bought her precious concert tickets to Muse and it only cost $200 for 2 tickets. I'm so glad that you recently fell in love with a band that has been around for 15 years! It's good to know that you're not psycho or anything or totally obsessive at the drop of a dime or 2,000 dimes in this case. 3) Katie realized that Craigslist is a great way to meet new people. Turns out this guy that sold the tickets is quite the charmer. I think he also gives massages. Maybe Katie will sign up for one of those. That wouldn't be creepy at all or anything. Ask him if he babysits. Seriously though... since Craigslist is such a great meeting place maybe you could put an add up that says something like this, "Very talkative woman seeking a more sophisticated husband that will enjoy rocking out with me to the likes of Muse, Rancid, Aquabats and They Might be Giants. Good ears requested and an attention span longer than 2 minutes a plus. Call me for a good time or for information on devil worshipping and on how to groom a caveman's junk." Anyway, back to the game and the fact that in typical Gregg fashion he puked all over himself and stuttered with his piss poor ability to pick a decent lineup. It's sad to think that this same guy won the league last year. What has happened to you Gregg?
Next we move on to this week's Silva award winner for being asleep at the wheel. Congratulations Doron for completely spacing fantasy football this week and not realizing that Kurt Warner was playing, Desean Jackson was injured, and that John Carney was let go and rehired as a "Carney" in Small Town, USA. Erica manages to put up her second highest point total of the year which shouldn't have been enough had you properly managed. Lucky for you Zylka pouted his way to a loss also, so now you have the opportunity to battle it out for a winner take all scenario with Señor Sarcasm himself.
Since we just mentioned Señor Sarcasm, we might as well talk about the egg he just laid. In classic Zylka fashion he again picked the wrong quarterback. It's a good thing you're not a gm because if you were you're team would be full of Ryan Leaf's and Jamarcus Russel's. I can't ride you too hard however... it was one of those weeks when your players just let you down. It was nice of Leo to not lay down like a Frenchman and take his licks put instead to fight it out for a possible .500 record and a little bit of pride.
In a surprise (at least surprising to me) upset, Alan took his hand off his crotch and put in a good enough lineup to beat the all powerful Joyce. Joyce had emerged as a contender in the loser division when she took Doron's best players in a trade he proposed. Her rally fell short however as she gets beat by a man, again. Her playoff hopes were dashed just like my kids Christmas hopes are on Christmas eve when I get sloppy drunk, walk around the house naked and tell them that there is no Santa Claus and piss all over the Christmas tree until I ultimately pass out only to wake up and start all over again. Ahhh... good times. Anyone want to see the photos?
Only because they like to read there names will the last two games be talked about. Keler, not quite sure what you were thinking by not starting Mr. Boldin of the Cardinals but I'm very sure as to what you were saying at halftime when he had already had 2 touchdowns and almost a hundred yards receiving. You got beat soundly by an old man who was seeking revenge from an early season loss. Vengence was his and he liked it.
Finally, I just barely had enough in the gas tank to outlast Bo in a squeaker, 105 - 103. It's tough to lose when you have over a 100 points, but the silver lining is that this victory sealed my playoff fate when both mamba and sarcasm lost. So thanks to you Bo for putting up a good fight but ultimately not a good enough fight.
In conclusion, this, the final week of the regular season brings much drama. The Mamba faces the one and only Señor Sarcasm. Katie and her new friends from Craigslist (that may one day replace the caveman and the devil) go against the soft porn king of LV, Alan. The other divisional match up of note pits the two best teams in the league in a possible Super Bowl preview. For those two dumb to know who those two teams are, it's the Puppy Store and Mr. Long & Loud & First with a freshly shaved mug.
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