A few firsts and a last

I hope you all enjoyed my week off. I know I did. Those of you closet readers can thank people like Tony for encouraging me to blog. Despite the fact I picked his team to lose last week, Tony still enjoys the bits of praise thrown in his direction as it boosts his already elevated self-esteem.

We're already talking about Tony so we might as well start off with the wine-bibber (this was Tony pre-bald days) vs. the Iranian Pedofile game which was quite intense; however Boser was unable to fight his way to victory. Sweet justice may have been served as the dog-killer (Vick) got smashed and ruined Boser's chances at victory. It was as if Vick was back in prison where they've changed the saying "When in Rome..." to "If you want to have an orgy, have an orgy!" At least it seems like it felt that way with his ribs being all jacked up. That's the type of party Boser likes best. You got to give Tony some mad props however. He picks a russian QB playing for his beloved Raiders and he gets 23.5 points from it. Either he was drunk from the wine, or he's very sneaky with his moves. I'm thinking it's a little bit of both.

Katie the clockmaker has definitely begun changing her ways. First of all, she doesn't talk as much as the leasing guy. Second she has as many victories this year as she had all of last year. (That may not be totally true, but who really cares.) I'm sure Katie was shaking in her boots when facing the scary gardner snake in week 4. Being that these first few games from Mr. Mamba are a sign of things to come, it should come as no surprise if the snake-handler is left all alone with a sticky mess to clean up. Thankfully this isn't a keeper league so he doesn't have to worry about having the same crappy team next year. The bright side is he has 1 more victory than some other losers in this league (i.e. yours truly).

Leo lucked out this week by playing the "lackadasical warriors." Turns out the warriors were too busy covering their bald spots & learning how to operate microsoft word. All this work was so overwhelming that the Rainbow Warriors didn't make any changes to the lineup which left vacancies in the kicker, not to mention that Alan has more people on the injured / inactive list than anyone in America. This league is quickly turning into a "Haves" & "Have Nots" league. It's quite obvious that both people in this matchup are part of the "Have Nots". Because I'm a nice guy, I'll offer some advice to people like Alan. 1) The internet is now on computers. 2) Look into AARP discounts. 3) Get your oil checked(no, not your car).

Red Light Secret got treated like a dirty little whore trying to play the game but got beat up by his pimp and kicked in the gut. Instead of getting a nice pay day with the 3rd highest point total of the week, Josh got slapped around like a little b, or like he stole something (use whichever analogy you prefer). Either way, Josh's family continues to be embarrassed. When he arrives home from work they immediately place a paper bag over his head and they feed him his food from a dog bowl. Everynow and then Josh gets fed up with it and puts a smackdown on this rambunxious behavior. CJ (Erica's husband) continues to impress us. Despite his love for the Rams, and the fact that he still wears t-shirts from high school, he's turning into a contender.

The title of this blog is a few first and a last. Allow me to elaborate on this... This is the first time I've been in last place in fantasy football. This is the first time Boser didn't promise that an LP would be complete when in reality it was no where near completion. This is the first time in a long time that the clockmaker got out clocked by the leasing guy. And this is the first blog that will be written without the GG being a BON employee. We took an informal, unscientific pole around the city about how intelligent your decision was to change banks. The consensus was that you made a dumb move. Most of us were thrilled to not have to work with Zylka anymore... you liked it so much you moved primarily because of the opportunity to work with him & Call again. If fantasy football is that important to you, then maybe you should take over commissioner duties and recruit Zylka & Call to be in your league. This way there will be no shortage of sarcasm and stupid things said. So I guess this is the last time that we can all dick around the office looking at your IPhone laughing at this stupid blog. Oh well... maybe your replacment will have an IPhone.

Your farewell tour began with a bang as Joyce mopped the floor with your ever increasing in size A** and then kicked you in the crotchal region for good measure. Just think, you were so close to declaring yourself a league champion 8 days ago, now you're grouped in the bunch of losers in more ways than one. (In case you weren't clear what the ways are, I'll spell it out for you... 1) You're record is 2-2 and soon to be 2-3. 2) You work for one of the most undesireable banks in Las Vegas. 3) Your daughter is a spitting image of Godzilla. 4) Your neck is disappearing. (No hard feelings.)